Tag: Future

Meditation 111 ~Braxton And Virgil, Positive~

WillLeave a comment

Happy Birthday Vigil. Level 4. 799 Days spent with me. May God have mercy on your soul… Anyway. Are there no presents? A freshly cut lawn and two full bowls of food and water. I ate the last of the Emergence Day cake. But Braxton And Virgil, Positive

Sunday, October 20, 2024

Meditation 111 ~Braxton And Virgil, Positive~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And before you forget, it’s not just any day. It’s Virgil’s birthday. A day that holds so much meaning and joy. (Laughs). So, can you try to be positive for his sake?

And to think you were sitting here wondering how to be positive for your own. Well, that ended as soon as you committed to getting up. And you’re still late getting started for today. And you have tears in your eyes. “Bright Light, Bright Light!” Who are you… Gizmo? Sigh. It could be from a lack of sleep or my actions last night. Mamimi Samejima…

There were “headlights” until 11:00 PM. And what time did you wake up this morning?

The very fact that you had to wake up at all is a cause for tears. Every week, I swear.

Braxton, though… Not one tear for him? Again, isn’t this Virgil’s day. Be proud, papa. Virgil’s made it to Level Four. Your Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Everything Dies: Season One
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

One? Yeah, you’re still at one. But you have to keep reminding yourself about the one son you have left. 799 Days… That’s about two years and two months. When did Braxton become your son? It was the day the Olds got the new house, and you said, “Braxton, get in the car.” He’s been your Cerberus ever since. But even before then, you had a very positive vibe about him. Hell, Braxton was a Dire Wolf defending you from the Old Man as you spilled your B-positive blood all over or whatever your blood type is. Ask a Doc.

But once again, today is Virgil’s day. Do you remember what you did on his second or third birthday?Did you fail Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 14: A Reverse Portal Fantasy by Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Or, more to the point, will you fail this week? Be grateful you still have a chance. But you’re not so positive you will. Virgil is much the same. He’s thankful to have his bed, a blanket, a chair, a loveseat, your bed, and comfy spots galore. But is he positive that you are the best thing he has going for him? Very doubtful. Hmm. I did clean up the yard. That was me, not you. I ate the last of the Emergence Day cake. I wondered why I suddenly had a craving last night.

However, Virgil has you now. What are you going to do? Sleep? Keep starting at Yuffie Kisaragi, all skeevy-like? Sing Happy Birthday before the annual birthday picture with Virgil. Uh, smile… Braxton And Virgil, Positive

1358 Days Without B III, Day 799 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 110 ~Preparations For Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

On Oct 19, 2019, I was in a hotel room in Rockford, Illinois, preparing to attend a wedding. It was the longest B, and I had been apart since fighting with the Old Man. And love is a long, long road. Be prepared, huh? Preparations For Braxton, Virgil

Saturday, October 19, 2024

Meditation 110 ~Preparations For Braxton, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… This means I have a bunker somewhere. A few “pew, pews.” A pretty girl for loneliness…

Eww! Can I stop being gross, just for one day? Can I stop missing my Braxton? How about no, Lady Lunalesca. How about putting Virgil first? Tomorrow is his birthday.

Preparations? If Braxton, my firstborn son, and Virgil, my second son, have anything in common, sigh. I wasn’t ready to find either one of my boys. Braxton showed up in my Old Man’s hands one night. And Virgil showed that he could use a training pad. A testament to my laziness. And I wasn’t ready to lose my little B. But despite me being a meanie, I’ve been panicked every now and again over Virgil.

But again, what will I be doing for Virgil’s birthday? Lunalesca, last night was bad. Honestly, I can’t even remember it. Mad at the BBBQ. Sad for myself. And bad. I could really use your support right now, Lady Lu.

Be Prepared. Isn’t that what THEY say? That’s why the bed makes the perfect spot, my lady. “If I lay here. If I just lay here.” I could’ve saved Braxton. And what about saving “my” country. MAGA might take Virgil because… “First let me explain that I’m just a black man.” Was that supposed to be funny, Lunalesca? Today’s politics… It’s why I stick to fiction. I’m still not over Everything Dies: Season One. And then there was a movie.

The Substance… Well, I saw it. And I want it… And speaking of want. Again, there’s Little Virgil, who wants a better Dad. I wasn’t prepared for my two boys, but Braxton got a Dad, and Virgil got a father. Guardians of the Galaxy, much. I feel like I’m failing as a man, Lady Lu.

And that is something I’m never prepared for, like an effing zombie virus. It’s inevitable.

My… Passion! Though I haven’t really thought about Zoe Saldana since The Losers. And I’ve seen Pom Klementieff’s Yabbos because the algorithm knows me too well. But who’s Yabbos was I staring at today as I fought to rise to this seated position, Lady Lunalesca?

Of course, there was Cherry’s. There’s a nurse from Silent Hill. Oh, B’s honorary aunt.

Not her Yabbos! I’ve seen them. I just remembered her wedding to her former hubby.

The preparations it took to get to her wedding day and, according to her, “ain’t nobody humpin’ around” back then. I haven’t been humpin’ around in years. And loving anyone? Myself? Preparations For Braxton, Virgil

1357 Days Without B III, Day 798 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 109 ~That’ll B Dawn, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

The things I think about come dawn. Why am I up at dawn? Where is Braxton? That was a nice dream about Michelle Trachtenberg. I need to do a book review about Bikini Dawn. What time do I have to work today? Oh, it’s Friday… “That’ll B Dawn, Virgil.”

Friday, October 18, 2024

Meditation 109 ~That’ll B Dawn, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Chapter one, page, word, whatever. I always feel like I’m starting over. Everything Dies: Season One…

While I’ll be doing a book review today… A review? Ha-ha! It won’t be for a T.W. Malpass novel. As heavy as that book is. I don’t even have children… AHEM, Virgil? But my lady, you know how I am regarding kids. I want to be a father someday… Funny!

I’m all about the jokes today. I can’t REALLY be a father when I put my firstborn son in a box and a pendant. Such is my Braxton. And Virgil? He was in Braxton’s room, peeping around the corner to see if I was up yet. And earlier, I was up in the dark… in more ways than one, thinking about Yabbos. So, I’m back to day one. But when did I read “Bikini Dawn…”

Night’s Riding Then Bikini Dawn:

Five stars! And that’s not only because of all of the “Yabbos.” This third installment of Michael Dalton’s Bikini Series was heavier than the second. Again, not because of Yabbos. If anything, there was a question a while back. How many “partners” does it take to make up a harem? Three works for me. And then there was their Papa Bear. Some of my favorite parts… Okay, okay, other than all the Yabbos, it was them answering the threesome vs harem question. The nostalgia of late-night softcore films. And the dream… My friends would be living the dream with this type of life. There’s one who really likes older guys.

I like girls and money. This book checks the boxes.

Okay, so am I feeling better now? Again, with what I read last night. And with what I had to read this morning. And then there’s what I didn’t read. B III’s finished novels, Sophia.

No, I would rather read the Day Job schedule, and have nightmares about it being Monday instead of Friday. However, I am surprised I didn’t dream about Emily, Vincent, and Kristin. Did I just spoil my latest read? I love my “sons.” But having a daughter… Let’s just say that I understand Vincent. Had it been my B III… No, I’m still alive. I’m here.

Sophia, I’ve been trying to look up stories of courage. Words from the bravest men.

However, what will I read next? That’ll B Dawn, Virgil.

1356 Days Without B III, Day 797 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 108 ~A Bargain Braxton… Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’m reading a story I’d never share with B. And on Sundays, he knew to shut up so I could watch The Walking Dead. Could I give up the Dead for him? Sure. What about the WWE? Yep. Cheap, tawdry addictions for my son’s life? “A Bargain Braxton… Virgil”

Thursday, October 17, 2024

Meditation 108 ~A Bargain Braxton… Virgil~

1355 Days Without B III, Day 796 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Was my day exhausting? I’m sure. Humiliating? Of course. Am I being a meanie? Um…

I don’t like lying to you, B. If I hadn’t lied to you before, who knows? I would have seen you couldn’t handle my RAGE, and I could have gotten you help sooner. Now Virgil…

Virgil doesn’t deserve my WRATH. And I’m not that mean. If anything, I’m still grieving. From Sunday, January 31, 2021 to Thursday, October 17, 2024. And for the record, today is Sunday, October 13, 2024. Since we’re talking today, you know this week is Hell.

Braxton, every week without you feels… I don’t know. Bargain Basement Cheap. You’re bargaining with me to breathe for one more day. And in case you don’t get it (you were always so bright). Bargaining is the word for today. So, what brought this on?

Your guess is as good as mine. But while I was reading Everything Dies: Season One yesterday. I got to thinking. That’s never a good thing. Anyway, there’s The Five Stages of Grief, and so:

Denial: Your bed remains in the bedroom. Your food and meds are still on the counter after all these years. I haven’t changed the bedroom décor or thrown away clothes. It’s as if I’m still holding on to the hope that you’ll come back, refusing to accept the reality of your absence. But I know.

Anger: I hid my feelings, trying to shield you before your passing. I nearly punched out a manager after. You hadn’t been gone half an hour before your grandpa said to get a new “dog.” The anger I felt at that moment was overwhelming, a mix of grief and frustration at the insensitivity of others.

Bargaining: Why we’re here today.

Depression: Common as my anger

Acceptance: This will NEVER happen. The idea of accepting your absence feels like a betrayal, a denial of the love and bond we shared. How can I accept a world without you in it? NEVER!

I could continue always and forever, but the Day Job.

After you passed, I was a monk (Ha-Ha) for 161 days. And what was it that broke me, B III?

My love for you was so easily broken? Now, this isn’t about you. But I tell myself that I would do anything to have you back. And if I were to give up “adult situations…”

Braxton, “I don’t ever want to feel like I did that day.” Indifferent? Zombie-like? Worse?

RAGE, RAVISHMENT, REVOLVISION, the darkness, B. Everything Dies: Season One.

The things I desire, dictate upon the page and do are bargains. Being your Daddy. Braxton, that’s what cost me Everything. And I wonder if I’m failing to pay the cost or don’t want to. To exist? For Virgil? Forty years. A Bargain Braxton… Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 106 ~Braxton and Virgil… Oafs~

WillLeave a comment

I’ve knelt to both my sons. I’ve imagined I would kneel before some woman. Take an arrow to the knee? Hell! It’s a fight to get out of bed. And had I but the courage, I would never rise. But I stand and fall for my boys. Braxton and Virgil… Oafs

Tuesday, October 15, 2024

Meditation 106 ~Braxton and Virgil… Oafs~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Is it a love that surpasses even the bond with my firstborn son, Braxton? Well… I’ve never made a solemn promise before God, but my love for you is unwavering.

Ask me when I last spoke to the divine. I’ve pleaded for the life of my son, and I’ve begged to join him when I was at death’s door. I’m not sure if I’m conversing with a deity, a spirit, or something else, but I do so every day ask…

Darling, I’m sorry to say this, but I ask the “Spirit In the Sky” for the courage to find B. If you know what I mean. And I’ve asked God how I was fortunate enough to see you. It was as if I stumbled and fell into your love, and I’m eternally grateful for it.

Or how do they say, “I Took an Arrow in the Knee? I’m a lover, not a fighter… I wish. These days, my Love … damn near every day, I feel like a warrior. To have their discipline, determination, and death. I want to fall.

Death Wish? More like dedication. I ask you… hell, I scream out to you, “Don’t Give Up On Me.” “Have a Little Faith in Me.” More music? To cover up my mourning, moaning, or whatever it is I’m doing. I fear that Living will become one of those haunting words.

Words like Happiness, Home, or Hilarious/Laughter. Something that means nothing. From a linguistic point of view. I know the words exist, but what do I think about when they are spoken? I feel exactly what I felt that led to Braxton’s passing. Indifference, My Love.

And with all the time I had last week… women sans clothing. Such is my awesome business, both a blessing and a curse. I’ve been looking to… be better. I don’t know. Can I be?

I don’t know what got me to kneel before Braxton that first time and say, “Whatever happens, stay with me. I’ll look after you.” Eowyn’s words. A woman’s words. Sexist…


Honestly, My Love, I was about to be. Do forgive me. I should say that I’ve been looking for the words from the brave, of champions, even devils, if need be. Even the simplest, ok.

Like Warhammer 40,000 Space Marine II… “For The Emperor!” Something to have me kneel and then stand if but to show you “I can be the man you need me to be.” But if I can’t even honor my Braxton. Or look after Virgil. I trip over myself. Falling. Crashing.

My boys keep their oaths; Love. Braxton and Virgil… Oafs.

1353 Days Without B III, Day 794 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 104 ~That’s Braxton Line, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Whose Line Is It Anyway? I would be better off holding the line between my lips. Or the $300.00 worth of lines I wasted with “Outskirts Press.” Should I go all Wild ‘n Out and such? Every day, I live a LINE and cross one. That’s Braxton Line, Virgil.

Sunday, October 13, 2024

Meditation 104 ~That’s Braxton Line, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And the only thing that separates us is today and yesterday. You were STUPID versus… are STUPID.

Oh, what a way to start a Sunday? Huh, with a STUPID line. But you can do so much worse.

Braxton is gone. And the world is a STUPIDER place without him. However, there’s you.

Yesterday, I told Lady Lunalesca I shouldn’t eat sour and sweet… More like spicy and sour foods before bed. I should also add this. Don’t read about zombies, either. Only it wasn’t the monsters that disturbed me. And you seemed okay, too… Edging after midnight.

‘You Are a Sad, Strange Little Man.” Or you will be. It’s only been six hours. But what about being a good one? What about B III? How about 2-V? They’re only a breath away.

A line on a sheet of paper. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Taking Kelsey by Kelli Wolfe
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Now, I could talk about how I stumbled last week, and how you might this week. Where’s your faith? It’s easy to feel like it left with Braxton, and you’re realizing that no one is listening to your prayers. It’s been six hours, and you’ve already stumbled on number six. You would have stumbled on number four if Virgil had not made his appearance. Number three is a tough one.

Instead, let’s talk about the boundaries that were crossed last night and are still bothering you. I know you were admiring some businesswoman’s “assets,” but you’re not that kind of person. That’s funny. You have more respect than that… Sigh.

Anyway, I was reading Everything Dies: Season One, and with what Adam tried to do to that little girl, Emily… And what Harley tried to do to Emily’s mother, Kristin. These lines… Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Everything Dies: Season One
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Failing these things… which you will, is one thing. But what some men will do. The disgusting, depraved degenerates. You’re a bad man, but nothing on such a level (shudders).

We’re talking a few pages in a book full of zombies. While you’re writing “Sofía’s Nightmare,” that would get you banned quicker than P$rnHub. There are certain lines you don’t cross. And when they are… Well, you wonder why you rise every day, old man.

Throw The Covers, and there you go, crossing a line. Leaving this bedroom is another. Every door opened. The food from packages eaten. Seven out of the ten things in the search bar. Your stories and these words. Lines you shouldn’t cross. Why? Because FORTY sucks! That’s Braxton Line, Virgil

1351 Days Without B III, Day 792 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 103 ~Billing Nights, Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Hillary Clinton is a better person than Lauren Boebert and MTG. But if we were voting for adult films… Well, in politics or “poonanny” (puts on Ice Cube shades). I’d go AOC. So, I had a dream about bills, maybe… “Billing Nights, Braxton, Virgil”

Saturday, October 12, 2024

Meditation 103 ~Billing Nights, Braxton, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… This means I can afford some “good” drugs. And no more Sour Punch before bed. Okay?

Last night was a bad night. I’ve had worse. The first night Braxton wasn’t here… Am I finally back to crying about B? I cried today, and it was only 7:45 AM. And that’s only out of disappointment that I’m already counting today as a loss. What about 4:00 AM?

Lady Lunalesca, if it wasn’t for the alarm on the phone, who knows how long I would have been trapped inside a nightmare. No, Trump wasn’t there. But alas, I’m starting to become like him. I dreamt of being trapped inside of a snowstorm with… Hillary Clinton, I swear. Chelsea Clinton had taken off. So a voice said we had to face her hubby ha-ha.

Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill! Where’s the science, though?

I often dream of women. Sans clothing… How many years has it been, Lady Lunalesca?

Talking to you AGAIN began because I had a terrible night with some woman, Lunalesca. A woman that was nowhere close to being mine. That’s why it’s no insult to not dream about Braxton’s Aunt. Honorary, mind you. Braxton wouldn’t have minded her in bed.

Only… I’ve never been close to having Cherry here, so I dream about her. Again, sans clothing. And how I begged… M Anime too. English and Latina women, dear Lunalesca.

But WHO broke me last night? Why am I so late talking to you? Between dishonoring my boy, bad dreams, and “busting a nut.” A brunette gymnast with pink fingernails.

Elaborate fantasies weren’t needed, Lunalesca.

Not that I could foot the bill for any of them? Do you remember all that money that went to my Old Man’s friend, Bill? I’m forty and barely pay any bills. My bum’s existence.

Lunalesca, I’m trying to figure out what that nightmare meant. If anything, for me. Hmm…

To recap, last night included fajita bowls and sour punch candy. So, my dietary habits.

Another night without a warm body beside me. Braxton’s in a box. Virgil was in B III’s room. Ironically, the only time I paid for “company” was for an adoption fee and a pretty maid.

It could be financial stress and betraying my boy. Braxton won’t have a stepmom, so why do I need a woman? Billing Nights, Braxton, Virgil

1350 Days Without B III, Day 791 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 102 ~Braxton’s Missing Tomes Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

If Goodreads is any indication, I had the honor of reading to my son for seven years. How many of those books were appropriate? But reading about the stars, he would one day go to… But books are expensive? So is food… “Braxton’s Missing Tomes Virgil”

Friday, October 11, 2024

Meditation 102 ~Braxton’s Missing Tomes Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… If I can remember any of them. There’s “Morning Star.” A book review? Today? We’ll see…

But no promises. I couldn’t even get out of bed. Because what have I been reading besides books filled with women sans their clothing… There’s such enjoyment in saying that. Ha! Are my reading habits as unpredictable as the weather?

Anyway. Eight of the last nine books after Morning Star were about “Girls, Girls, Girls,” Sophia. Even Meat by Joseph D’Lacey had (adult situations). And I’m not talking about cannibalism and violence… Is that why I’m reading about the dead? Uh, zombies? My favorite monsters.

I wouldn’t imagine I’d have trouble with people. But if Braxton was an undead creature… Hell! Dr. Robert Neville dealt with Samantha. I’m a nobody. But Braxton. He is LEGEND. It’s like he’s alive in the pages. So I wish.

So, where are Braxton’s stories? What am I reading to remember Braxton? I’m a devil. Darrow, on the other hand…

A Morning With Morning Star
Morning? Is it morning already? How long have I been up reading Morning Star by Pierce Brown? And how long did it take me to decide to give five stars? Other than interrupting my sleep schedule… And, dare I say, a bit of a twist ending. There was nothing not to like about this book. Uh SPOILER… It’s like Darrow getting out of that box. After that, it’s all “go, go, go.” Blood, brotherhood, “babes…” and blowing stuff up all over. But my favorite part… The beach? The end? But how? I mean, I know how, but REALLY? Servo and Victra had more time. But I’d gladly share this book with friends to read about Darrow and Virginia and others… It’s a rollercoaster of emotions, and I can’t wait for you to experience it too.

Not much of a book review, but I’m not much of a writer… Braxton’s books. And what about Virgil’s someday… I’m weaker. And that’s not only “my” old-age talking. What do you want me to say, FORTY? Anything that wouldn’t make censorship necessary. Effing FORTY!

What about food? That’s one more reason I’m late talking to you today, Lady Sophia. There was everything. From reading my Day Job schedule to reading my latest grocery bill. Seventy bucks! And that’s for a variety of chips and two types of chicken. It’s not like Virgil is starving and dying. He has plenty of food as long as he’s not stressing out when I leave and making a mess on the floor. Reading to him about zombies…Decent enough. Only… Braxton’s Missing Tomes Virgil

1349 Days Without B III, Day 790 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 101 ~Braxton The Professional, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Everyone Says Hi. But that’s the Day Job for ya. And it’s next week. After I wasted most of this week thinking someone fired me without telling me. Well, Braxton found new employment amongst the or at Hell’s Gates. “Braxton The Professional, Virgil.”

Thursday, October 10, 2024

Meditation 101 ~Braxton The Professional, Virgil~

1348 Days Without B III, Day 789 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Hopefully, it wasn’t a work day. Do they have jobs on The Rainbow Bridge, Braxton?

Are you giving Cerberus a break at the Gates of Hell? Ironic, isn’t it? I can’t REALLY say I’m in Hell because, according to my body, I am very much alive. And if I were with you, Braxton. You’d ensure I could never leave our “HOME” again. Never again. Professional.

Better a guard dog than a hitman, like Leon: The Professional. Again, “isn’t it ironic, don’t you think? When the truth is, I put you in the ground. Or rather in the oven… Ashes… Geez!

Braxton, I should not be making that type of joke as a particular type of person. No, not ever! Especially with “you know who” running for president. And the evil he and MAGA foster. Who do I think I am?

Whoever I am, whatever I am, it ain’t rich. And isn’t that what brings me to you today, my son? Oh, and I REALLY need to stop looking at those AI pictures of the senator…

Braxton, not that one. I mean Senator Padme Amidala. Before that, it was Kara from Detroit: Become Human. I am being gross and highly inappropriate. Uh, your aunt’s Yabbos… But it was Kara that broke me last night. Stress release after my Day Job order.

The schedule? Yeah, I got one for next week. Oh, the irony… (Rolls Eyes). They are the only ones I blame for your passing besides myself. And I feel good that I have that job…

Now that’s gross, evil, and rich rolled into one, Braxton.

I swear I woke up this morning after such and such a dream/nightmare… I felt as if I had been run over by a truck. It was The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident all over again.

You weren’t protecting me from such dreams and disgusting behaviors. What? It’s not your job. And it’s not Virgil’s either, as he snores away at the foot of the bed. And of course, I’m FORTY!!! And the Day Job must pay me more to afford both hearth and home. My manhood, I know. Your Grandpa paid your food and medical bills before the Day Job?

What do I want to do for a living? I’m trying to figure it out, Braxton. I want to make you proud, but it takes work. I miss you, son. If the money is lousy, you can always come HOME. Yet, Braxton The Professional, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 099 ~Virgil, Braxton’s Provided For~

WillLeave a comment

To think I want to have a business someday that focuses on “pornographic passions…” Well, not if Trump takes the White House. Seriously? Stormy Daniels. “Playboy Playmates?” Yet I’m sweating over a retail job. Virgil, Braxton’s Provided For

Tuesday, October 8, 2024

Meditation 099 ~Virgil, Braxton’s Provided For~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? But not enough to give up slothfulness, “sins of the flesh, and what about silence?

Silence is a BIG subject. And aren’t I here to explain, when a man provides. Who, what, when, where, and why. But this week… sigh. It’s been all about time. And today, I didn’t even bother getting dressed. Yesterday, I sacrificed the entire afternoon because of stress and some Yabbos. Wouldn’t Braxton be proud? I’m not crying or bawling. Scared?

Sweating bullets. To think at one time, it would be because of a Day Job scheduled. And now? When it comes to owning, operating, and… Oh My God! But opening my place, opening bedroom doors, shirts, bras, pants, etc. Open legs and orifices. Eww! Wickedness.

You know how I make money. A man provides. And WCKD is good? Anything beats being afraid or slothful. But when? I have no answers.

Gus Fring didn’t ask when. He said, “A man provides.” But I have questions. Concerns. More like doubts and fears. Because I’m sitting here in our bed, worried about a time clock and losing everything

It comes with the territory. I have employees, insurance, laws, medical, and everything that comes with being “the man.” However, today, I’m back to feeling like “a man,” if that.

When Braxton was around, to provide, protect, and be a parent, I would do as Captain America… No! Steve Rogers put it, “WHATEVER IT TAKES.” Burn the boats, Carpe Diem, Leeroy Jenkins! My firstborn motivates me. You, my incredible wife. The children we brought into this world. So why is “Big Poppa” still sitting in bed looking at the clock?

Well, the world isn’t ending…

“Now that the world isn’t ending
It’s love that I’m sending to you
It isn’t the love of a hero
And that’s why I fear it won’t do” ― Hero

What time is it? Six minutes after… Another hour? Another six minutes after… No matter what, there is always time for another pop culture reference, a pump over some Yabbos, or a palpitation of my heart. I can be annoying, gross, and dark all in one sitting. I know, My Love. But what I don’t know is why I must be so terrified when it comes to wanting to live. I’m sorry to say I still wake up each and say, Dammit! Why am I awake? Why is Braxton gone? And why am I so scared. Because I feel I can’t provide for our family.

Today, I still believe the epitome of manhood is providing for one’s legacy… With my pen… Virgil, Braxton’s Provided For

1346 Days Without B III, Day 787 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will