Tag: Man

Meditation 181 ~Can’t B Done, Virgil~

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The fact that I came down the stairs on a bum leg to talk to myself, knowing I won’t paid, is a miracle. I kill myself at the Day Job for what I believe is BS. But next year, I want to know I’m doing something as I sit here. Can’t B Done, Virgil

Sunday, December 29, 2024

Meditation 181 ~Can’t B Done, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And what can I say as we look at each other one last time? You made it…

I wish I had been kinder to Ladies Lunalesca and Sophia. There is also Inspector Echo, and especially Braxton. Oh! You just realized what you sounded like. The date, friend.

But the only number you were thinking about when you woke up was three. Seriously. Two of them, as in thirty-three percent, you need to read today to stay on track. And close out this year with the novel It Can’t Happen Here. Which brings me to today’s question, friend. Can it be done? So let it be written. So let it be done. Are you to be a pharaoh?

At present, you have no idea what you’re going to do with the new year. Hell! This year, I haven’t accomplished these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

And I had one extra day since it was a leap year. I got two, maybe three at a stretch. And with this being our last conversation. You will already admit that you failed number six. You don’t have the money for number five. And the others… You can’t keep writing these things down and not doing anything with them. Shall that be my advice to you today? You looked over your New Year’s Resolutions from previous years. How close did you come to accomplishing any of them? Should you let Braxton Barks choose them?

What about your Dear Future Wife? How you wish you were one for planning, brother.

You can come up with the simplest things. But still, there’s these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING It Can’t Happen Here – Sinclair Lewis (dystopian political novel)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Knowledge is stronger than belief. Again, you wish you were one for having a plan. As you have the words of 55 books at your disposal. 56 if you can finish before Wednesday, ha-ha. It depends on the Yabbos and levels of intimacy. Eww! Can you stop? Yes. But Will?

Will you stop? There are so many things you can do. But will you? Or, as Yoda put it. Uh.

“Do or do not. There is no try.” Master Yoda

People nowadays are all about, LET’S GO! You’ve gone back and forth on Battle Cries…

Do It For B III
Do It For Your Son
Whatever You Do, Do It For Braxton Barks Bradford Will
Always And Forever For Braxton
May Braxton Be With You
Anything And Everything For Braxton

Can 2025 be done? Will you? Can’t B Done, Virgil

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face – forever” George Orwell, 1984

1428 Days Without B III, Day 869 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 180 ~To B Graded Virgil~

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I can still be graded even if I don’t go to class. The School of Hard Knocks. Dearly beloved. We are gathered here today to get through this thing called life, as Prince said. And if I can get a D. Eww. I have mine. But existing… To B Graded Virgil.

Saturday, December 28, 2024

Meditation 180 ~To B Graded Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Then again, what were my grades in school? I remember praying for D’s. Eww! Seriously, Dude?

Don’t worry. When I broke my five-day streak last night, Lady Lunalesca. It was all because of a girl. That was one of the reasons I dropped out of college. Another was the humiliation from one of the professors… She forgot I was even there, Lady Lunalesca. Geez! But understandable…

And that’s not what I want to talk about today. Really? How about wanting to forget myself? And then I wonder why nobody knows who I am. If I excel at anything, it’s self-depreciation. I would get all A’s in that. Hurting, Humiliation, and Humor. And didn’t I say before the comedian is dead? No, that would be my firstborn son. And now I’m crying.

Over Braxton? There’s always a tear for him, but I’m tired for the most part.

Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic. Let’s start with Math. And having to go to the post office before it closes. That’s at noon. And then I have to pay a few hundred bucks, which I don’t have. And after that, I deserve a reward, haha, so I’ll get a piggy potato but with brisket. Oh goody, expensive. I’ll waste more money. And what about grocery shopping? I’ll waste another day in the cold because I couldn’t get up to go yesterday. Can’t get it up? Sigh

Lunalesca, didn’t I say I broke late last night looking up Stuff & Thangs? Like Michael Jackson sang, PYT. And sharing parts of Nightmare At The Meat Market on X.

https://twitter.com/WillsWants/status/1872992767225598448

Lunalesca? Now, I’ll start back at one. Like wearing pants…

Maybe if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have been dumb enough to send M Anime Chapters 1-7 of Nightmare At The Meat Market. And what was that promise of 2:00 PM? And I couldn’t even keep my word. It was around that time, anyway. But when has my writing made me a dime, helped my doggy son, or been a delight? And reading. I’ve only failed one reading test, and that was in the 6th grade. I didn’t read the book, whatever it was, Lu, ok.

I must finish Fahrenheit 451, today. And then buy It Can’t Happen Here, the only book I haven’t read from my list. Would it be suitable for Braxton? How would he grade my existence after Christmas? To B Graded Virgil

1427 Days Without B III, Day 868 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 179 ~B’s Blaming Bills Virgil~

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I still have Netflix. And since I’m paying, what am I watching? The Six Triple Eight? Squid Game? Uh… I’ve seen The Book of Clarence how many times? A man with no money, no woman, listening to white people. Ah, Christmas! B’s Blaming Bills Virgil

Friday, December 27, 2024

Meditation 179 ~B’s Blaming Bills Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Better yet, I should read you a bill for this Christmas. Some are for books, okay.

But the biggest one at the moment will require me to get off my keister and head to the bank on this rainy afternoon. I could have done it this morning… And if my keister or another part of my anatomy was worth more. On Onlyfans? I swear, Lady Sophia.

https://onlyfans.com/1455686321/willyswants

Publishing books… Haven’t I said I want to do that too. The only reason I got up from my nap at 1:00 PM is because of M Anime. She wanted to see my story… our story. The one from her nightmare. Nightmare At The Meat Market. The things I think about women, dear Sophia. And what I think about myself as a man. Will anything change with the new year? Besides existing in dystopian fiction…

I want to buy either the next book or existing under a Trump Presidency. No wonder I’ve been a lot more liberal with my words. Or should I say conservative? Haven’t I brought this up before? When it’s Mr. Nasty time on X/Twitter, I get a lot of ads from Elon Musk and MAGA. Makes you wonder. My other page is much cleaner, give or take the occasional wrestler… Here’s looking at you, Roxanne Perez, and Piper Niven. Or my nostalgia for Final Fantasy. The good ole days when I was only writing poetry, Sophia.

But that’s not paying the bills either. And since my 40th E-Day, what have I done? I canceled one bill for the man who’s paying most of them. For shame

At times, I feel like I’m not living up to the expectations of a man. Duh! Instead, I’m a burden, a bill that no one should have to pay for.

Only, I’m here. It’s what I tell everyone, Lady Sophia. I take up Space. I don’t Hold Space as Clarence’s mom told him. I could do what I do in the ground. Now that’s dark.

But something must be in the black because it’s not my bank account ever. I’d rather have the black in something… Eww! Do I ever stop? Did Braxton ever stop eating? Twice. Once on his birthday. And it’s the saddest I’ve ever seen him. Full and fat finally but depressed.

The second time… Nope! I haven’t cried today. I need to see the cost of existing. B’s Blaming Bills Virgil

1426 Days Without B III, Day 867 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 177 ~We’ll B Merry Virgil~

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I know how to ruin a holiday. I am my father’s son. And all it took was a message to come *home*. Like my son B, we have peculiar ideas about home. Safe in our warm beds not somewhere over the rainbow or a white Christmas. “We’ll B Merry Virgil”

Wednesday, December 25, 2024

Meditation 177 ~We’ll B Merry Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Oh! And Merry Christmas… But what do I know, seeing as today is the 23rd… 24th, Inspector Echo?

But Gee Whiz, It’s Christmas. So why am I like this today? It’s like I’m my Old Man having to apologize for yelling on Christmas Day. One of the few times he ever did, Echo.

Usually, he would get my Ma to do it. And speaking of my Olds, that’s part of the reason we’re talking this evening. I don’t know what I dread more: getting a call to come home or not. As I lack any other opportunities, I would rather stay here starving.

Inspector, sigh, bed is where I want to be. And you know I can go without food for a bit. And while I won’t discuss what I got for Christmas, there are always my comparisons. Wednesday’s Family vs. Thursday’s Hell.

Better known as having a Day Job. Hey, sometimes I get paid early. As if it matters. Do you see a tree or stockings here? I didn’t even spring for one of those candles that smells like cookies. My Ma regretted that decision one Christmas Eve, my dear Inspector Echo.

The Olds will provide… If I’m not becoming my Old Man. Then you can call me Scrooge, Inspector. And yes, I know this is sad for me and for what Braxton wants for me and his little brother. Braxton’s Aunt, M Anime, Cherry, my Ma, my younger sister, and even my nephews. His heart grew three sizes that day, THEY say. This Grinch, Santa Claus…

Inspector, I didn’t ask Santa to mend my broken heart, the one that shattered when I lost my little Braxton.

I didn’t ask for a lot of things. And if you asked me yesterday… The 23rd. What did I want most of all? I’ll admit I would have been at a loss. But Thursday, December 24, 2024, at 2:44 PM, well… I want to join my son, as I told Dear Future Wife. Braxton’s Life… Inspector, the desire to have my son back never goes away. Then there’s the people!

Inspector, I swear I only wanted to go to the bank, pet store, and, sadly, the gas station so I might acquiesce to my father’s wishes. Unless Santa takes me in my sleep. The North Pole, Ninth Circle, Home… Same difference. Because being merry this week… Christmas Day. Not very bright… We’ll B Merry Virgil

1424 Days Without B III, Day 865 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 176 ~B Happier There Virgil~

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Some toys are better left in the sack. I’m not one to be played with. Only my father wants to toy around and my Ma had two C-Sections to bring me and my sister into being. Now I’ve been asked… commanded home for Christmas. B Happier There Virgil

Tuesday, December 24, 2024

Meditation 176 ~B Happier There Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? It’s not even a question; it’s a fact. And since comedy comes in threes, well…

One, anytime I’m *feeling super, super (super!) suicidal*, my father, son, or the old Day Job is the cause. And if you’re asking about this morning, the winner… father, obviously.

Two, I have said often enough that fatherhood is the epitome of manhood. However, I look at my father, I will look up mine eyes unto the hills, and I see men of the cloth…

Disgustingly, I wanted to be a father. And no, not a priest. I mean a red-blooded man with you, our children, a home. I’m a greedy S.O.B., but that’s the crux: I want a family.

Ironically, I sit here with you at precisely 8:56 AM, and I am ready to throw it all away and join my firstborn son, Braxton.

I wondered what I would say to you this Christmas Eve morning, and now I am crying my heart out. And for once, I’m not shedding tears about my firstborn son, B III. But myself.

I couldn’t care less about Santa Claus, Satan, or the snake oil salesman about to take our country. Father Christmas, the Father of evil, what would the Founding Fathers think.

Today, I only worry about the man in the mirror. The man you chose to be your husband, my love. And I think about all I’ve done for him, you, and our family. I wanted to show him the life I wanted to give. And now I want you to have that “When I’m Gone.”

Overdramatic. Gee Whiz, It’s Christmas!

It will be tomorrow, and there’s no comfort or joy. Happiness? I will take what we have this very second over anything that will happen tomorrow. Merry Christmas, indeed. Eff!

I was not asked or assuaged into this and cannot abdicate it. I may be getting the hang of this St. Nick thing. Because what started as a favor, an act of mercy, a kindness…

Christmas is now a command, a con job, the call for an execution of self. It’s the annihilation of the individual, to become a nonexistent person, vaporized, driven from society. ROOM 101! I’m not going home; I’m headed to the gallows. Death is your gift.

Yeah, if you’re my father. Because this Christmas, wherever Braxton is… B Happier There Virgil

1423 Days Without B III, Day 864 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 175 ~Tempting To B Cold~

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B III wouldn’t know it was Christmas. Only the food would be better, and he would have a new toy to play with. And that we wouldn’t have to face the cold. B wasn’t invited to my Olds Christmas brunch, and I wouldn’t leave him. Tempting To B Cold

Monday, December 23, 2024

Meditation 175 ~Tempting To B Cold~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And I don’t remember the cold. Well, maybe a second. Don’t cry, Dad. That’s your line. Don’t cry, son.

And I didn’t. One moment, I was fifteen, and in the next, well… Can you guess our best year? That’s a trick question because we are together, and automatically, Dad…

Whenever we are together is the best, whether it is smooshed up on movie nights. There were times we stood side by side as angry and scared warriors. Strength and honor. And as long as I live. And I do live daddy. Every Sunday, you look at yourself with such… hate. But I live in you. He Lives In You. You’ll sing that all the time. But again, as long as I live, there’s the food. Always and forever, the meals that we… Shared? Funny.

Only last night wasn’t so funny. Bringing me here today…

Wishing you a Merry Christmas?

What, I won’t tell you my Wish List? We’ll get there. Please don’t cry. You always talked about tomorrow… next time, and for us… Well, we were frozen. You are.

You call it the Ninth Circle. And last night, as you stood outside with my little brother, you told yourself you deserve this. That you will spend forever in the cold. That you can’t move because of what you did to me. I won’t tell you what I think or try to sound like one of those books written by humans about their furry kids. You would never believe me.

But Dad, I want you to know that I’m not cold. I’m warm and happy. And I’m always with you, in your heart and in your memories. Now and forevermore.

That’s why you and Virgil shouldn’t be freezing your balls off like last night, Daddy.

There won’t be a White Christmas for us, despite the cold. But Daddy, do you know what I want? If I told you, would it be just one more list you’ll end up ignoring? Even then, I have what I want, and that’s my Dad in my life. Again, my life, your existence, my father.

That would be number one:

  1. I Want You To Live
  2. Remember Me, Always And Forever
  3. To Love Virgil Vivi Bradford
  4. Find My Stepmom, Find Love
  5. To Finally Find Your Happiness

Strange food didn’t make the list. Don’t starve. You’re not joining me… I’m already there. Though, Tempting To B Cold

Meditation 174 ~Virgil’s And Braxton’s Gifting~

WillLeave a comment

All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth. Sorry. What I meant to say was that I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. No. I don’t want to feel like Rudolph the other 364 days of the year. It’s why I have my *sons*. “Virgil’s And Braxton’s Gifting”

Sunday, December 22, 2024

Meditation 174 ~Virgil’s And Braxton’s Gifting~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And are you here again? Right here, right now. Well, you couldn’t breathe right this morning. sigh.

You thought you were getting sick. No. Sick is talking about Cherry in a certain type of way, my friend. What? When somebody asks you to describe a fantasy or what you want for Christmas. Like me, you rather not think about it. That’s the thing about needing to breathe. When you can’t, nothing else seems to matter. I dreamt about Braxton’s passing last night. Is that what woke you up? I was watching him take his last breath. Mine?

At that moment, I would have joined him. But that wasn’t the case. You woke up a mouth breather. And all you wanted was to feel better, to stop bouncing to thoughts of Cherry and breathe normally again. To what? Fail these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING 1984 by Mr. George Orwell
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Tis the season not to do this. To feel jolly or whatever. Can you even hear the Fa-la-la-la-la? You can’t win ’em all. You can breathe somewhat normally. And your leg is feeling pretty better. Your ear is still on the fritz, though. And Christmas is full of noise, friend.

But not friend Virgil. What are you getting him from Christmas? What is Virgil getting you? Less time outside… Virgil dislikes the cold. So, he does his business reasonably quickly. And he saved you fifty bucks, To his detriment. To yours? Father Christmas, you’re not.

And what about Braxton? After all this time, that boy keeps your eyes properly hydrated. And with your crying, you can blow your nose. Someday At Christmas Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

By the way, how annoying is that song, Someday At Christmas? And then there’s Happy Christmas. I’m sure people wouldn’t complain if wars ceased on Any Given Sunday. Ha-ha! And there are homeless people every day. The lowest, poorest, hungriest, sickest, saddest, and even the stupidest. Why wait till Christmas to dole out the favors?

And you’re the angriest, horniest, and you would take a bit of self-control anytime, anywhere.

That’s another gift from my boys. And again, what can I give them? What can you give yourself? You’ll be pressed to even accomplish number one on your Christmas list.

Making it to the dining room table or the recliner would be a Christmas miracle…

Your boys give reason, purpose, existence… Virgil’s And Braxton’s Gifting

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face – forever” George Orwell, 1984

1421 Days Without B III, Day 862 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 173 ~Braxton Tests Santa Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I keep saying it, I haven’t talked to *God* since Braxton passed. And it’s been way longer with Santa. But he seems to have a better record. But I’m not a kid anymore. And not much of a man. But what I want from Santa… Braxton Tests Santa Virgil

Saturday, December 21, 2024

Meditation 173 ~Braxton Tests Santa Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Well, if I were so, I wouldn’t need Santa. But I will always need/miss my boy.

Can enough money bring back the dead? With enough power, you change history, coughs MAGA. Is this a bad time? The wrong Time of the Season. Halloween to Election Day to Christmas, which is Wednesday. And here we are. Lady Lunalesca, besides 1984, which I’ll finish today. And Fahrenheit 451, which I bought last night; yes, you can blame MAGA for my research topics. I ask this question, Lady Luna. What do I want for Christmas? Is it three wishes? As I’ve said, my happy memories over the holiday season… are sparse. Did my Ma said pick five things or ten? Braxton lived fifteen years.

So, in the spirit of my B. Since I have no holiday spirit, And I rather not make men spirits:

Fifteen Things for This Christmas

  1. Braxton, alive and well
  2. That Virgil is Happy
  3. Be Not So Fearful
  4. Self-Control (Last Night 19th)
  5. To Stop Being Angry
  6. Be Elon Musk Rich
  7. A Kamala Harris Presidency
  8. The Annihilation of MAGA. And no more Donald Trump
  9. Control of a plague
  10. My own time machine
  11. Being a bestselling author
  12. To Be CEO of my company, Second Hand Shenanigans
  13. To find love and have a family. 3.5 Children
  14. Knowing what it’s like to LIVE. Not just exist
  15. Harems to be considered

My goals seem very attainable, don’t they? How much of that could Santa Claus put in his sack? It puts Santa Baby to shame, perhaps?

I still can’t believe I’ve escaped Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You. It’s her annual payday, which would explain my bank account, Lady Lunalesca. But how’s Mariah looking nowadays? And for once, I don’t mean Momokun. And speaking of which, Effing HAREMS, how do they work. Since I’ve stopped reading about them.

What about Christmas, Lu? I asked for a Harem. Thirteen Women… One man in town:

No particular order…

  1. M Anime
  2. Cherry
  3. PiB
  4. Katieshox
  5. Tifa Lockhart
  6. God’s Favorite Princess
  7. Madoka Araki
  8. Maiko Kaneda
  9. Hisato Azuma
  10. Piper Niven
  11. Roxanne Perez
  12. Tsubaki Miyajima
  13. Airi Akizuki

And I don’t even have a tree. But something’s up… EWW! Braxton’s gifts were simpler, Lunalesca. Braxton Tests Santa Virgil.

1420 Days Without B III, Day 861 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 172 ~Virgil, There’ll B Christmas~

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Any GOOD Christmas stories? I’m not trying to be an ungrateful SOB. My Olds are upper middle class. But when I think of Christmas… I’ve watched A Christmas Story with B. Chinese with his Aunt, Pokémon Stadium from my Ma. Virgil, There’ll B Christmas.

Friday, December 20, 2024

Meditation 172 ~Virgil, There’ll B Christmas~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… A Christmas Story? Nah. That’s one more tradition trashed. And I can’t even blame Trump there.

You know how they once played the movie for twenty-four hours straight. Do they still?

Anyway. I will blame MAGA for not getting my Christmas FREEK on. What there was romance in Brave New World. And Winston and Julia in 1984. And what about today…

More Books! More Books! And not Christmas gifts? What about proper food? I said that? When I’m still trying to get M Anime to take off her clothes. Albeit with a bit more subtlety. And what about presents for my boys? What about Braxton’s Aunt, Cherry, and M Anime anyway? And where would I get these gifts from without being a sell-out, Lady So? Walmart, Amazon, big corporations, and the smallest places are all decked out for Christmas, Lady Sophia.

What about myself? We were supposed to be talking at 4:00 AM, but here we are at 7:50 AM. It didn’t help that around 6:30 AM, the most Christmasy thing I did was EDGING for girls in their Christmas finery. Or at least wearing red. I didn’t white it out.

Actually, black or BLACKED is my current kink at the moment. But I’m not spending any money on it, thankfully. And I’m trying to stay away from Onlyfans. And as far as my Wish List? I’ll save that for tomorrow. That is if I remember. I’m forgetting yesterday’s humiliations still. The Day Job, which I hate and apparently can’t do either. And I’m still ashamed. But having balls, reading books, and the boy I lost…

No! None of those are Christmas stories, Lady Sophia. And honestly, Sophia, besides reading dystopian fiction and my ever-draining bank account, I’ve been going over M Anime’s messages. Audio, since she had a work accident. And fantasizing over Cherry’s words.

I swear that woman could get more money out of me than my Old Man did. Ten dollars for an Amazon raffle. And I don’t expect Wednesday to be much fun. But I won’t starve.

Then again, who knows. Because instead of telling you my desires, I have to pick and choose what we’ll have in the fridge and the pantry before then. Sixty simoleons. It’s a bit tight, and I could use some support.

Whatever! If I’m lucky. And seeing as how my Old Man called… I’ll still be alive? Virgil, There’ll B Christmas.

1419 Days Without B III, Day 860 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 170 ~There’ll B Suffering B~

WillLeave a comment

I don’t think I ever told Braxton he was dying. Just that I love him. I never promised Virgil a happy life. And how many women have I ghosted on OnlyFans? What? I ain’t got no money! Only hurting myself or somebody’s pockets. “There’ll B Suffering B”

Wednesday, December 18, 2024

Meditation 170 ~There’ll B Suffering B~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… And no, I’m not talking about sending explicit pics on OnlyFans. Eww! But we’ll get to that soon.

Today, you know what grinds my gears? PAIN. I’m in a little less PAIN than I was yesterday. And tomorrow? You know me, Inspector. Every time I fall asleep, my Christmas wish is I don’t have to wake up. I should work on my Christmas List on Saturday or Tuesday. If I can remember to do so. All I’m trying to remember now are the days without PAIN. And in Part II, Chapter IX, the place where Winston Smith and Julia are finally captured? Eff!

Gird Your Loins! Better yet, keep them in your pants. These days will be painful.

Inspector, nothing is as painful as losing Braxton. Or leaving Virgil alone wherever he is. Braxton’s gone, and I’m sure Virgil has his own aches and pains. I apologize, Inspector.

Only I’ll be doing that always and forever. When it comes to my boys. Sons? “As long as I’m alive, I’ll be carrying your name,” Braxton. That makes me more of a jerk, doesn’t it?

The whole “I don’t want to wake up on my own anymore.” But who could ever love me, Inspector? Well, besides Braxton. Inspector, I’m not going down the loneliness track.

Today, I was only thinking about men being alone… Not like that Echo. There’s Yabbos

Do you remember, girl? Michael Jackson, ha-ha! Anyway, I was compiling a list of men who were all imprisoned and ended up alone from different movies and shows, my dear.

  1. Joe Stevens
  2. Bingham Madsen
  3. #000000014
  4. Clarence
  5. Bernard Marx
  6. Savage a.k.a. John
  7. Winston Smith
  8. Jeffrey (A Different Alchemy)

All these men had families or at least women they left alone. They were all imprisoned in one way or another. Three of them passed… Crucifixion, Hanging, Gunshot. You get bonus points if you can tell me who. Anyway, I thought of what I said to Dear Future Wife yesterday about how I’m a sadist. And yet, in the end, I admire the masochist Echo.

I’m a mothereffin’ starboy. I’m more like a Switch. Happy Go Lucky Me. I’ll get off on people’s PAIN easily, but then there’s my PAIN. B III and 2 V are too much. And after…

I should add my voice to the choir. Sins, Screams, Silence… There’ll B Suffering B

1417 Days Without B III, Day 858 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will