Tag: Man

Meditation 216 ~To B Fair Virgil~

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Life’s a game for everyone. Life’s a game, but it’s not fair. If I had my way, I would quit right now. But who would remember my son, my Braxton? I haven’t published his book yet. And my boy Virgil is still here. But… To B Fair Virgil.

Sunday, February 2, 2025

Meditation 216 ~To B Fair Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And I know it’s not fair. You’re still breathing. Braxton’s Aunt Augusta confirmed that the other day.

At forty, you find yourself navigating life as an African-American, an atheist and often feeling alone. You know Virgil is here, but you also understand that it’s not the same.

Always and forever, remember that. I’m sure Braxton does. And what did that get him? Dead. And a father with an unhealthy obsession with death. Please! You were way into the dead, darkness, and dystopias before, during, and after Braxton. But without him here… Oh, what a world, what a world. “What a world, what a life, I’m in love…”

However, it’s with the prospect of leaving. It would only be fair with what you did to Braxton. Ending him. But it’s also important to forgive ourselves. How’s that going? With everything that connects us, this is the universal truth. Braxton is gone because you failed him. He met with the fire on Thursday, February 4, 2021. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Surviving Pet Death, Gracie Wyatt
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 014 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Hell! You should have put saving your son’s life. At least then, all of these failures would be fair. Or giving Virgil a better life. For 904 Days, life still hasn’t been fair to him.

Life hasn’t been fair to you since E-Day forty years ago. But you can say it’s been unfair for 1463 Days. You lost your player two, the samples, Triforce, and you ran out of time on the mission. Gaming? Well, between moving everything back upstairs and the phone. But Prince said, “We are gathered here today to get through this thing called life.” B did.

Still, today, after a text from your father… That’s all it took to fail Number Six: “I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am.” What about the other Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING ― Satan’s Sorority Girls 8
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 014, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You don’t want to play this game anymore. GOD, how I know! I faced Braxton’s Euthanasia once again. And its aftermath. You know that Braxton’s cremation was on the 4th. And next week… The 10th is Braxton’s return. His ashes are in a box on the nightstand. The 13th is Braxton’s birthday. These dates, each one a painful reminder of loss. The 14th, that’s V-Day.

And no, not for Virgil. Will you talk M Anime into being your Valentine? A beautiful Puerto Rican woman who goes between calling you her bro AHEM step-bro. And then offering herself. Life, Existence… Seriously?

Existence is efffing wrong. Or as 50 Cent said, “Death gotta be easy ’cause life is hard.” If that ain’t the truth. And it’s easier to tell the truth to prosti… than a psychiatrist, right.

It’s why you write to harem girls, yourself, and Braxton. Or he speaks through you. Sigh. To B Fair Virgil.

1463 Days Without B III, Day 904 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 215 ~One, Virgil, B Here~

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The one time… Um, two that I liked going downstairs. When Braxton’s favorite girl and I had a movie night. And then moving things back upstairs for Braxton’s “memorial.” Virgil’s still here. And who am I, Dante or some character? One, Virgil, B Here.

Saturday, February 1, 2025

Meditation 215 ~One, Virgil, B Here~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… So, by this point, I have built Braxton Barks Bradford, a temple mightier than the pyramids.

My son, my shining prince. And who am I, Pharaoh? If I had started earlier, I would have watched The Ten Commandments or Malcolm X last night, Dear Lady Lunalesca.

However, it was the usual day. What is “normal” about my son being euthanized, Luna?

That it happened four years ago. And how did I spend this fourth anniversary? Breathing.

Yes, I woke up to find that was still the case, though I was up till around one this morning.

So how did I spend yesterday? It was standard. I only left once to pick up a burger, fries, and a shake. I shared them with Virgil in honor of Braxton. I cried six times.

Lunalesca, who’s counting. Two meals, four movies, and 1462 Days.

That’s around four years. The fourth anniversary of my Braxton’s loss to the world, Lu.

I can’t help but feel it should have been me. The thought of reaching for that one thing in my nightstand, you know what I mean, it crossed my mind. But then I think, who would be here for Virgil? Was I there for Braxton when he needed me most?

Well, considering Braxton isn’t here anymore… The only mess I almost made was with the second head, recreating Lester Burnham’s shower scene from American Beauty.

Lunalesca, how dare I! But I didn’t finish. I didn’t deserve to. Braxton is DEAD! Lately, there hasn’t been any particular song playing in my head. As you can see, it’s mostly movie quotes. It was tradition for Braxton and I. Our movie nights… Then his aunt came along, too.

Lunalesca, she has her own stuff. Cherry is always writing. And M Anime finally got back to me, but of course, I was fulfilling A Dog’s Purpose. Really? Somehow! Lunalesca.

“So, in all my lives as a dog, here’s what I’ve learned. Have fun, obviously. Whenever possible, find someone to save, and save them. Lick the ones you love. Don’t get all sad-faced about what happened and scrunchy-faced about what could. Just be here now.” From Bailey, A Dog’s Purpose

If I could be so lucky. If only my sons were. But I’ve been stuck in the past with both.

Virgil will have a future if neither one of my heads pops off. If you get my drift. The future:

Black History Month begins today
Feb 4. Braxton was cremated
Feb 10. Braxton was returned
Feb 13. Braxton’s twentieth birthday
Feb 14. M Anime, Valentine?

And let’s not forget where I was this time last year or in 2021. But the one lesson from last night. Be here now… Without Braxton? One, Virgil, B Here

Tale 215 B For Virgil’s Freedom

Gospel 215 Act From Desire Not Insecurity

1462 Days Without B III, Day 903 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 214 ~Braxton Lives, WRITE Virgil~

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Today, four years ago, I put my best friend in a box. More than that. My firstborn son, Braxton. Four legs and all, no less my son. I’m still writing and confessing while Virgil… He’s somewhere. But today, R.I.P. Braxton. Braxton Lives, WRITE Virgil.

Friday, January 31, 2025

Meditation 214 ~Braxton Lives, WRITE Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… My son is dead. BRAXTON BARKS BRADFORD is DEAD! DEAD! The End. Now, why wasn’t it?

Sunday, January 31, 2021, at approximately 4:00 PM, my son was gone from me. It was the day of his euthanasia, a day that will forever haunt me. My lady…

Tell that to two full-blown novels I’ve penned. Have I written to you or anyone without mentioning my son? If I ever have… However, this evening, Thursday, January 30, 2025, I’ve been rereading everything from the aftermath of my son’s euthanasia. All of February 2021, for the most part. And yes, the tears have flowed. Better than on January 31st.

Tale 214 B Down, V Button

Gospel 214 Will’s “Dæmon” Day Afternoon

Sophia, what am I saying? I’m devastated. Depressed. Destroyed. Usual? I’ll be a wreck tomorrow, today, and always and forever.

Whatever, I’m tired. And Braxton is dead tired. This is no time for jokes. But who knows what I’ll be watching or listening to? I need to get ready. Or better, remember my B’s story.

My son stopped eating around Tuesday, January 26, 2021. And I didn’t notice. That guilt is eating me alive. Why?

Fear, Fury, Rage, and Wrath. But the greatest of my sins… Up to that… Indifference.

Sophia, my misanthropism had become such that I could do nothing but protect my son… I cry, remembering such hatred. The next day, Braxton, too, cried, and I ignored him.

Thursday, January 28, 2021, I was finished for the week. And I finally called the doctor for Braxton. On Friday, January 29, 2021, I learned that my firstborn son was dying. Braxton had all the heart problems in the world, but it was his kidney failure that would end him.

That’s a lie. On Sunday, January 31, 2021, I signed away my son’s life. Euthanasia.

Lady Sophia, there are many things I want to write. Braxton and a thousand stories. Inevitably, it’s finally this Rest In Peace, my best friend, brother, son, and heart, Braxton.

And with that, I should have followed him. I don’t know why I didn’t, Lady Sophia. My fear and cowardice. The knowledge of what awaits me. Can it be any worse than this, Sophia? I wake up every morning without the one I love. That’s my story, as you see.

Years ago, I could have sent out everything I’d written. I wouldn’t be hating my Day Job still. I could have saved him. I could be reading about his stepmom and siblings loving him. I love you, Braxton, Always and Forever. Braxton Lives, WRITE Virgil

1461 Days Without B III, Day 902 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 212 ~Virgil On B’s Whereabouts~

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While I don’t remember the day, there was the look in Braxton’s eyes as we sat at the front door. He’s here, I’m here, and that was enough for both us. But V looks so lost. Indeed, I lost my way in this place, after B… Virgil On B’s Whereabouts.

Wednesday, January 29, 2025

Meditation 212 ~Virgil On B’s Whereabouts~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I should have done more. What… Sin? I’ve actually been a very good boy. Wednesday, January 22, 2025.

So, where is Braxton? For that matter, where is Virgil? 2:30 PM… “Do You Know Where Your Children Are?” One out of three or more ain’t bad. So Inspector? Braxton?

Considering from where you’re sitting… the week Braxton died? But at this moment, there have been a few tears for my firstborn son. I need only think of Braxton’s name, then… Only if you mean literally Braxton is in his box on the nightstand. And the pendant on top of that when I’m not wearing it. Ashes to ashes and dust to dust. Braxton’s soul.

Virgil Vivi Bradford is at the foot of the bed as usual. Breathing, Existing, Sleeping.

Inspector, in doing that, he’s keeping me out of trouble. Zone-Tan, Adore Me and MILFS?

I told you earlier today in Meditation 205 ~B Nights, See Virgil~ I’ve been reading Ryan and His Beauties 2, which, simply put, is about Ryan and the newcomers to his growing “family,” the Milf Jody and her daughter Olivia. For Braxton’s sake, can I keep it in my pants? However, as I said, Braxton’s passed away. Virgil’s snoring away. But what about some two-legged kids? Uh, with who? M Anime? Valentine’s Day, Dear Inspector.

Regrettably, I’ve been unable to focus on my Lost Boy today, Inspector. Or on the idea that he’ll have siblings, I’ll tell about his life one day. ‘Well, my left hand’s free,’ I say, but it’s a crude joke. Where is the man I was when I was mourning Braxton?

Hell! Where is my money? This is my son B III, whom we’re talking about; this is his fourth year of being gone. Birthdays, Christmases, and the day he passed away, so 12 gifts, Inspector?

And where do I send those gifts? How do I afford said gifts when I’m too busy looking up Dakimakura, things to show off M Anime’s assets, and more books? What would Braxton even want? To be alive. V wants back in this room. Relax, Inspector, it ain’t even like that. You can only sleep for so long. And since V’s bathroom training is subpar…

He’s a good dog looking for a friend. Braxton’s a dead one looking for his Daddy. Who and where am I? Virgil On B’s Whereabouts

1459 Days Without B III, Day 900 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 211 ~Virgil On Finding Braxton~

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When I got Virgil, I kept Braxton’s bed away. There was no need. It sits in its usual spot, and Virgil stays away. The scent or spirit of death. V knows B is here. It’s been 4 years, and there are still hairs, toys, and me. Virgil On Finding Braxton.

Tuesday, January 28, 2025

Meditation 211 ~Virgil On Finding Braxton~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? But I’m still sleeping with my best friend. You or the dog? You wouldn’t dare.

You know the man you married. I’m just a sucker for pain… And Humiliations Galore. Oh, baby girl, I can tell you about some humiliating days at the Day Job. Then I think of B.

God, my selfishness. But nothing is as humiliating as remembering the day I lost Braxton. I walked in a Dad and walked out a… “I’m not sure what you are now,” I told myself at that moment. A man who euthanized his best friend. Not former. I’ll never accept that.

Even though he passed, goin’ on four long years. And how long have we been married, my love? That’s a dangerous question. “You Oughta Know,” you say. Get over it…

Always and forever, the answer is no. “He’s My Son.”

Braxton Barks Bradford… “Yeah, he’s my son, and that’s my choice.” He will always and forever be. And knowing how I feel about him, you’re still here. “I’m Still Here.”

Somehow, someway Braxton’s Playlist is still growing, so I don’t have to think. I wasn’t thinking four years ago with Gospel 211 “Say The Word Willie.” I swear the crime I thought I’d committed, and a few days later, Braxton would be in a box. My failure and my disgrace.

And this time last year it was Tale 211 “(Sonday) Someday, B, V.” I swear I keep saying “Someday,” my “Sweet Love,” I won’t be calling out for “My Sweet Lord,” my little B III.

He was my very own little god, always and forever.

And you, our kids, and Virgil still find traces of my Braxton everywhere, Baby Doll.

Do you know Braxton would start his day sitting on my head, too? Eww! He just wanted me to wake up. But you… I can’t believe I’m saying this… Love, I’m not in the mood.

Really! This is coming from me. And I was looking up Netorare, Ahegao, and Paizuri.

Because in English, I just want to say I miss my son and “I Think I Love My Wife.” Love?

I do love you. One more time for good measure, always and forever. I’m such a misanthrope. You and I got together to make people for me to love. I found Virgil. But Braxton is here. Virgil On Finding Braxton.

1458 Days Without B III, Day 899 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 210 ~Will B Another Day~

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The day I was born is the day I want to forget. The day my son B died is a day that I’ll always remember. And so I relive it going on four years on the 31st. And if my son returned asking that I choose another day in our “lives.” “Will B Another Day”

Monday, January 27, 2025

Meditation 210 ~Will B Another Day~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… No choirs of angels, no gnashing of teeth, and when did I ever make friends of my own kind…

Though Gabriel was Aunt Georgia’s fur kid. There’s also Wishbone. As if I needed to know where your love of reading came from. He was named after a dog from the glowing box. There’s also his brother Jason… Ha, what a funny name. And a black Chow Chow with no name at all who came here much too young. But he and I both left in your arms, Dad. Not by choice, because who would ever want to leave you? Now and later on… Forever

Daddy, humans, and their numbers, but okay, I’ll bite, ha-ha. Sunday, January 31, 2021, okay. But here you are. No, here we are. It’s been four years, Dad. Well, it’s about to be so, Daddy…

What’s next? You don’t know.

How many times have you dreamed up Heaven for me? Hell? And the Rainbow Bridge…

All Dogs Go To Heaven, right? Though I doubt you’ll be watching that on Friday. However, do you remember when you said that Hell would be an endless series of doors to places you don’t want to be? For me, it would be that same series of doors. Only I could not protect you. You couldn’t pet me. And we could never find our place.

Remember, Dad, you said there was a place for us. People for us… though I was happy, just you and me. Plus, there would be a ton of food. Not one day, someday, another day.

“From Now On”… Only, “Every Day Is Exactly the Same”

The day I left you. But there were so many other days, Dad. How many days were there when I knew as you did… You would call to me, or you’d hear me come running…

Knowledge is stronger than belief. Will you be watching “The Book of Clarence” on Friday?

Anyway, you and I knew this, “I’m all yours, I’m not afraid. And you’re all mine,” and that was all. What are we, girls… Twilight? You know how I felt about girls other than grandma and my two aunts. But again, Dad, I know that reliving that one day… the day… I died. It’s insanity. But all the best people are crazy. Especially you, Dad. But could you choose another day? Will B Another Day.

I believe death is only a door. When it closes, another opens. If I cared to imagine a heaven, I would imagine a door opening, and behind it, I would find him there.
― Sonmi-451

The best days are the first to flee
― Virgil

1457 Days Without B III, Day 898 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 209 ~Virgil, There’ll B Changes~

WillLeave a comment

Today, yesterday, the day before, what changed. The same spot. A. little more broke. I’ve read about parents losing their fur kids. Only the day before, I read about Ryan and his beauties. My Braxton is still gone… Anyway, Virgil, There’ll B Changes.

Sunday, January 26, 2025

Meditation 209 ~Virgil, There’ll B Changes~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And with all the tears, it’s hard looking at yourself. Thank God! Add to that, sleeping, euthanizing…

To think there was a time back in your existence… We’re back to saying existence. Yeppers! “Never, Never Gonna Give Ya Up” or that word right. To exist here without…

Braxton? One more day down, and it’s only 9 AM. And how did you begin today? Didn’t you mention all the crying while you were reading? But before you were reading about your Braxton passing away, there was Gospel 209 Will’s Yearly Eye Exam. Seriously!

Every time we talk, you don’t even want to look at me, but the man you were back then is unrecognizable. He had no clue what was about to happen. “A Change Is Gonna Come.”

As I said yesterday, Horrible, Horrific, and Hateful. Like looking at these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Ryan and His Beauties 2
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 007 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

And not into the eyes of your firstborn son anymore? And where were you three years ago after Braxton was gone? Tale 209 Virgil, B Seeing You. You sound like a broken record, which, honest to God, ain’t half bad. Because living in your grief of days gone by for a good boy… And yes, B III was a good boy, the best. No father ever had a better son.

Honestly! You’re no King Priam, Ezekiel, T’challa, or even Augustus. This week, you will be nothing more than a boy who lost his best friend. A father who failed his son. A man bested by a beast. It’s the things we love most that destroy us. Quoting Snow beats Trump.

Try reading Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Surviving Pet Death, Gracie Wyatt
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

If anything, you should be reading about your plans for the 31st and 1st. Will anything change about the day? Considering this is the fourth anniversary of Braxton’s passing, I once dreamed that you would burn the funeral garments. Your black hoody, Las Vegas t-shirt, and other odds and ends. You could spend it being nice to Little Virgil Vivi.

But if anything, you just have more work to do. You must move everything back into the Den, eat barbecue, and watch lots of pet loss movies or end-of-the-world stuff. Dystopias or Dark Humor, perhaps…

There is this movie Vivarium that reminds you of Virgil and yourself. But you wouldn’t give Virgil up for anything. Braxton? Rehomed to The Rainbow Bridge. Virgil, There’ll B Changes

“Sometimes you just gotta let go and let God. Just accept it, brother.”
John Q

1456 Days Without B III, Day 897 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 208 ~Braxton’s Dead, Virgil’s Dad~

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Seven Days… I wish I’d seen The Ring movie. I’d have followed my Braxton. Seven Days… on Sunday, January 31, 2021, my son would be gone. So, four years later, how do I start today. Dead and Dad are separated by a letter… Braxton’s Dead, Virgil’s Dad

Saturday, January 25, 2025

Meditation 208 ~Braxton’s Dead, Virgil’s Dad~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… And if the USA has taught me anything, you don’t have to be a genius, Lunalesca.

If you learn to steal, are found guilty of “SA,” and have the “right” skin tone, i.e., white, well, you too can be President of the United States of America. But why speak on Trump?

Because as I lay in the bedroom’s darkness this morning, I needed something… Horrible, Horrific, and Hateful but truthful. Though Donald Trump still has a ways to go, Lady Lu.

What am I saying? Nothing compares to the passing of my son Braxton Barks Bradford.

No wonder my dreams protected me from that fact last night. I had a dream about the show Squid Game. And Damien Priest was yelling at me about rejecting MAGA. FDT. But also, talk about men I find intimidating Luna; it definitely ain’t Donald Trump.

But back to my firstborn son. At this time last year, I was still talking to my Lost Boy, Lu.

I’ve been reading a lot recently. And that conversation was Tale 208, “Will B Talking, Virgil.” And four years prior, being the selfish man that I am, Lunalesca. On Monday, January 25, 2021, I worked on my rules Gospel 208, “Collective Madness Is Called Sanity.” I was in a rant about sin. Not knowing that I would commit the greatest.

Lunalesca, tell any father that their son they’d sworn to protect, their progeny, my pancake… Braxton would be dead in a week. Kidney Failure and by my own hand. Nope!

But that Sunday, January 31, 2021. You can call it love but betrayal Lunalesca, Treachery.

Do you know why E is not in the grading system A, B, C, D, and F? Lunalesca, I found that E. Braxton had a Dad. THAT’S ME! But add an E, and what do you get… Dead. That doesn’t bode well for Virgil. Is that why I’ve never fully accepted him as my secondborn?

Lunalesca, my latest book, Surviving Pet Death by Gracie Wyatt, isn’t helping. Did any book.

What? I bought it this morning, along with Satan’s Sorority Girls 8. Again, what? Today, it was Kindle Double Points, and I’m putting money in the hands of billionaires. Or watching non-geniuses commit crimes. Sara Malakul Lane’s movie last night…

Lunalesca, it’s safe to say my positivity is officially gone because Braxton’s Dead, Virgil’s Dad?

1455 Days Without B III, Day 896 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 207 ~Minding My B’s&V’s Because~

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LeVar Burton said people didn’t want to foster a love of reading in kids. Now I’m 40. I read the Constitution, but… IT DOESN’T MATTER! I hate reading bills. And remembering, in 2021, the 24th was the start of B’s last week. Minding My B’s&V’s Because

Friday, January 24, 2025

Meditation 207 ~Minding My B’s&V’s Because~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… The world, Chico, and everything in it… SUCKS! The End. The start of A Beautiful Morning.

Now, before I lose all positivity today and forget to show gratitude this morning… Today, I finished “Ryan and His Beauties 2,” though the ending left much to be desired, my lady. But who am I to talk. Didn’t I write something like this when I was all into Cherry and her Mum? Only it was a lot worse. But it took my mind off things for a little bit.

Twenty minutes, seconds, or bucks of insane courage… How about words? I only need two. Thank you? For the record, I might steal that speech from What Dreams May Come:

“Thank you for every kindness. Thank you for our children. For the first time I saw them. Thank you for being someone I was always proud to be with. For your guts, for your sweetness. For how you always looked, for how I always wanted to touch you. God, you were my life. I apologize for every time I ever failed you. Especially this one”

I can rewrite it in honor of my B. But here and now, thank you, Braxton, for being my boy.

I will always be grateful.

I will always be your Dad. Because I don’t know what I will be tomorrow whenever I read the news. Last night, Sophia, I got into watching trailers for the End of the World and the End of the United States of America, and I couldn’t tell which was which; it all sort of blurred together. That reminds me, I need to schedule an eye exam as soon as possible…

However, before we get into all that I want to read for you this meme I saw once. Um ok.

“World history in one sentence. These white men are dangerous.”

Every day, whenever I turn on the TV, open the laptop, or scroll on the phone, As one of my motivations said, the proof is in the pudding. Even Ryan and His Beauties 2. Uh…

Ryan was accused of grooming Viktoria, Nathalie, and Olivia. What about Jody, Olivia’s mother? I ain’t gonna lie. The mother/daughter angle and sisters… Homer Drool…

Whatever, I shouldn’t be thinking about that. That brings me to today… What to read…

Don’t give me one more bill increase! I believe I’ll cancel my current ISP, however… There’s much to be done, like I told Inspector E in Meditation 205, “B Nights, See Virgil.” It’s driving me nuts! This is? Where was I last year? Tale 207 “To B Identified, Virgil.” Before that, my lady, there was Gospel 207, “Hell With Instructions Will.” I had no idea.

Reading about the man I was. And now I’m reading… I don’t know or want to, Minding My B’s&V’s Because

1454 Days Without B III, Day 895 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 205 ~B Nights, See Virgil~

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The morning is looking better than last night. I’m so busy “talking” that I don’t have to think, and isn’t that normal… But I would rather be talking to B or falling asleep with him watching over me. Positive days. Better. “B Nights, See Virgil”

Wednesday, January 22, 2025

Meditation 205 ~B Nights, See Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo (my inner voice and guide)
For I have sinned… Can’t I do anything right? Even the simple act of sleeping eludes me. Last night was particularly rough. Virgil slept soundly, a stark contrast to my restless night.

If Virgil spends three hours… or more howling for me to come back. I swear… the neighbors must hate me if he’s making all that noise. I came back from a three-hour shift, and Virgil was losing his effing mind. Do I want to be thought of or completely ignored?

Anyway, so last night, first, my mind was going bonkers. How could I tell right?

Inspector, I had so many worries bouncing back and forth that I turned to meditation…

It didn’t help… However, I did drift off at some point during the night. But considering I was up at 4 AM, fell back to sleep at 5:40 AM, and slept for another hour… Inspector?

It’s another day slipping away, weighed down by the relentless demands of life. My LIFE? Eff!

On a brighter note, I found solace in the absence of nightmares about my son, Braxton. For that, I am truly grateful. Say what?

Inspector, that’s a positive? How dare I show gratitude for that. If anything, I didn’t have to call upon the greatest tragedy in “MY LIFE” to hold back everything else. Again, when existing becomes too much to endure… And trust me, I have looked at my special drawer with longing curiosity. I usually call upon Braxton’s loss. “I’m still breathing. I’m Alive!” If I survived the loss of my child, yes, “MY CHILD!” That nothing on this Earth can hurt me. Not even a Trump Presidency… God! I’m avoiding the news like a GD plague.

Eff Donald Trump, FDT! Fortunately, he wasn’t in my nightmares. It was my worries and… GULP! Women! But before we get into that. What had me all pretzel-shaped last night:

  1. Returning my ISP’s stuff
  2. Paying the Termite Inspector
  3. Paying off Waste Management
  4. Low Tire Pressure Warning
  5. My Day Job Performance
  6. Keeping The Heat On
  1. Arranging an Eye Appointment
  2. Paying off the “HOA”
  3. Whatever Donald Trump Does
  4. Braxton Barks Bradford Memorial

I’m sure there’s more Inspector Echo, but now you see why I don’t have time for those Six Impossible Things I write down every week. Between this Inspector and women…

Whatever! Another excuse for drooling over “Ryan and His Beauties 2.” I’m falling behind “Satan’s Sorority Girls” 8 and 9. Yet, somehow, I sleep; Virgil too. B Nights, See Virgil

1452 Days Without B III, Day 893 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will