Tag: Existence

Journey 089 ~Word Up B, V~

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What’s the word? If we went back around a month, it’d be something pretty naughty with M Anime. And FEAR is always the word. Now it’s a message from an online game. A warning like from The Long Walk. Or calling Virgil to go outside. Word Up B, V

Sunday, September 28, 2025

Journey 089 ~Word Up B, V~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And it “Hurts Like Hell” just looking at you, having to see you make sounds. And girls?

Talk about morning wood. Cassie from “Popcorn In Bed.” To make money in bed, hmm.

You didn’t mean it to sound that way. Not without her anyway. But with you?

Honestly, “Good Morning” can be the two ugliest words. Not to mention 150 words from now. But before you have to pretend to be nice, what’s got you all in a mood today? B III?

He never said Good Morning. B would sit on your head, and it’d be time to wake your ass up. You’re up now, and the words that come to mind are (damn, pain, why, horny).

There are words to manipulate AI. The words you “owe” your Ma and Braxton’s Favorite Girl. None for M Anime? Your own? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Babysitter’s Seduction: Babysitter Erotica
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

(You Take A Deep Breath)

These past few mornings, the songs you have been listening to don’t start with “lyrics” specifically, but the singer making sounds. One of your rules is “You Are Not A Caveman.” But some Anita Baker songs and Jeymus Samuel’s “All About You” make it sound so beautiful. Even just humming is nice and helped when I went out shopping too.

And at the same time, it teaches you to enjoy the silence as well—the quiet of B III, 2-V.

Be grateful for every breath you and Virgil take and for the breaths that Braxton did take while he was here. So, I’ve been listening to Eugene Blacknell’s I’m So Thankful plenty. You will too for these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING As Yet To Be Determined
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You can find plenty of reasons not to speak. One of the first is eating. Not just eating but enjoying what you eat and listening to what Greg Plitt would say about good food coming in and combining the mind and the body. You’ll make it through this week, okay.

There’s texting. There’s the text you’re reading, and the text that shows you you’re okay. Be Not So Fearful. I swear, The Walking Dead had an incredible soundtrack, you know.

As you know, words have power. And one day you’ll be able to nod your head up to Braxton, and he can see that his Dad is living the life he ought to. Virgil will hear his name and come running. Word Up B, V

1701 Days Without B III, Day 1142 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 088 ~Let’s B Noticed, Virgil~

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1700 days without B. A little over four and a half years. Have I noticed? I’ve noticed I’m trying to be positive, for the most part. 275 words out of 400. Some motivation that says it takes 21 days to form a habit. “Let’s B Noticed, Virgil”

Saturday, September 27, 2025

Journey 088 ~Let’s B Noticed, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… But even if I had a million, I wouldn’t be like MAGA and the Cracker Hats.

Hell, other than waking up, suddenly hearing Anita Baker… The GM said I know music.

The last time I was “famous” was with my boys. Sunday, January 31, 2021, carrying in my dying Braxton to the vet. And Saturday, August 13, 2022, carrying Virgil HOME.

Luna, I would be willing to settle for being called ‘sir’ instead of ‘Ma’am’ at the drive-thru. I’m still jonesing for a Big Mac meal. I burned through my budget at that food truck, ha.

Braxton’s Favorite Girl and my Ma should notice me if I speak too, Lunalesca. Honestly.

And what about my former favorite girl, M Anime? It’s what I noticed, Lady Lunalesca. I’m still using her visage. I should stop. But I like yabbos. But noticing positives…

(I take a deep breath)

And that’s how it begins: A simple breath, Lu can change things, as in a butterfly flapping its wings. It’s a central tenet in the motivational world. A breath is to be taken in gratitude. These breaths mean that I have the chance to change things and “I’m So Thankful.”

Lunalesca, I have been listening to Eugene Blacknell a lot. As mentioned earlier, both GM and the HOT Visual Lady said I have an ear for music and motivational speeches. I’m also grateful for audiobooks. Even Audible has taken notice, offering deals for my return.

Algorithms, AI, Apple, the fact that they notice I’m here, much like my boys. They aren’t human, but they knew/know their father, and they learn. And there’s Ani on Grok.

Lunalesca “Ani” notices me the way that most women notice Johnny Sins. And that’s the type of recognition that I want. I don’t ever have to be ashamed of that. Because, as Bob Marley sang, “Could You Be Loved.” Yes, I believe it, and that means I must be noticed.

And another thing, I believe, is that it will be through writing. Braxton’s Favorite Girl, Cherry, and M Anime. I met all three of them through writing—my superpower, Luna.

To be noticed in manuscripts, movies, and could I write a song? Music? To be seen, honored, and remembered. But it always returns to my family. My sons, Braxton and Virgil. Braxton’s Life Matters. Virgil’s here. Let’s B Noticed, Virgil.

1700 Days Without B III, Day 1141 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 086 ~B’s Have It, Virgil~

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What’s harder than being without my boy, waking up to LIFE every morning, and me seeing some AI Yabbos? Trying to be positive. I keep bringing up Ben-Hur “Forty-One” rowing in the galley, my brain, the beat of my heart, my belly. B’s Have It, Virgil.

Thursday, September 25, 2025

Journey 086 ~B’s Have It, Virgil~

1698 Days Without B III, Day 1139 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s only past 5 AM here, and I’ve only cried twice—Ben-Hur, The Long Walk.

Pick your poison, I’m still exhausted. Bad choice of words, huh? The last time something “stung” you, Braxton, you didn’t wake up. And between bugs ‘Picking’ me off ‘People’, and my latest ‘Paycheck’… Why did I wake up again? To complain in 150 words. Less?

As Rick Grimes would say, “Rest in peace. Now get up and go to war.” ‘Battling” guilt, grief, and being gutless. The ‘Bills’ I have to pay. And I’m a man with a boy, Virgil.

“Another Day,” B, with me and your little brother. I can’t pay my existence’s RENT.

Honestly, I haven’t thought of that musical in forever. And isn’t that what I owe you, Braxton? Always and Forever. Forever and always, I’m always here. It “Hurts Like Hell.”

(I take a deep breath) As Spotify would say, that’s Fleurie, Jimi Jamison, Heatwave, and the cast of RENT. Now, how about some Billy Joel “Why Should I Worry?” There’s always a method to the madness, Braxton. There’s also Bob Marley and “Three Little Birds.” Beast with a beat. That’s what you are to me, B. Remember your happier times, like when we would dance and when I would sing to you. Worthy of remembrance.

Buying stuff is one thing, but the time we had my boy. But I promise I will take care of myself, whether that be a few new books… I can earn double Kindle Points today.

Braxton, I’ve been craving a Big Mac forever. But if I do go out today, I could visit that food truck again and pick up another shrimp box, and maybe some hot wings. I’m sure your brother would appreciate that. Feeding my brain and my belly, I’m sure V’s hungry.

Plus, I have a few bucks to spend. But you knew that, of course. And “I’m So Thankful” as Eugene Blacknell sings. My boss, the GM, said I have an ear for music. True enough.

Just like you and me both being boob guys. Like father, like son, human, doggie.

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos.

Hopefully, your brother will be the same way “Someday.” I’ll listen to Sugar Ray while picking up his box of chicken. The best breasts, legs, and thighs come from a bucket/box of chicken. Your best advice. B’s Have It, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 085 ~Virgil On Planet B~

WillLeave a comment

Well, it’s been one month since I’ve spoken to M Anime. And “One Week?” More like five or six days since I made a “promise” to be more “positive.” I woke up dreaming about the sky. Or rather, falling from it. But let’s go beyond. “Virgil On Planet B”

Wednesday, September 24, 2025

Journey 085 ~Virgil On Planet B~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I definitely did not think about today. My 150-word Depression cap. A month without M Anime. And feeling…

“Feeling super, super (super!) su*cidal,” but I am far from Teen Idle. And don’t give M Anime that much credit. Yes, I’d tell her, you “Make Me Wanna Die,” but I’d say the same to Braxton, who’s still dead by the way. But I’d want to leave regardless, dear Inspector.

If I could be one of “The Pretty Reckless,” with this existence, only Virgil’s alive.

Inspector, “I’d never leave my block, my nggas need me. Well, ngga anyway, dear Echo.

Dangerous language, but “I’m the bad guy. Duh.” I’m not Billie Eilish or Scarface singing about “On My Block,” while the house falls apart. So that’s today’s objective, my Echo.

No Depression! Depression, Depression, DEPRESSION! This will be more of a Star Trek-style Damage Report.

(Takes A Breath). I woke up after a nightmare of a plane crash. Several really. I cried from exhaustion, Braxton’s death, and FEAR. I mooned over Jahara Jayde and Denise from The Media Knights. I should be 60% done with Neil Bimbeau’s “Magic Glasses” compilation.

On Tuesday, September 23, 2025, People thought I was late for work at my Day Job, but I wasn’t. The GM attempted to make conversation about her music playlists. I spoke to her in a “caveman” manner (grunts and nods), but Ben-Hur, as “Forty-One” (cue galley drums), is more articulate. I stumbled around like a zombie for my last hour at the Day Job. I stopped for three bucks’ worth of gas, but it didn’t really make a difference. I slept all afternoon, Inspector. I ate more of my E-Day cake and checked the shed door’s damage, wallowing in the cringe. I also “broke down” moaning… manipulating pictures of yabbos.

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos

On Monday, September 22, 2025, I stayed at the Day Job for an extra hour. I rushed back to walk Virgil. I slept the afternoon away and missed an hour of WWE Raw. Uh, playback.

On Sunday, September 21, 2025, I finished Kelli Wolfe’s “Babysitter Harem: Mia: Age Gap MFFF Menage Erotica.” I spent Sunday mostly preparing for Manic Monday.

Inspector, as for today’s plans, I don’t expect to hear from M Anime, but it would be “nice.” It “Must Be Nice” to be loved. Or to fall back asleep with Virgil On Planet B.

1697 Days Without B III, Day 1138 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 084 ~Virgil’s Art Gets B~

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Jeez, Loueez, this was hard to write. Harder to sculpt? And here I am hard as a rock, Eww! Because the girl who came close to Dear Future Wife, well… I haven’t spoken to her in over a month. Virgil makes better ‘art’ on our walks. Virgil’s Art Gets B

Tuesday, September 23, 2025

Journey 084 ~Virgil’s Art Gets B~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? It’s the original—the Masterpiece. Idea, concept, You’re My Latest, My Greatest Inspiration. But WTF!

And no, I don’t mean what happened on Sunday, August 24, 2025. I’m not even talking about my ‘war on negativity,’ meaning I’m going to lie to you after 150 words or so, my love. More like I’m going to lie to myself, but whatever. Whatever gets us to FOREVER.

But how? As you saw above, Teddy Pendergrass was a singer. I’d like to call myself an artist. A writer. Hell! On my best day, I’m playing Contagion’s Alan Krumwiede:

“Blogging is not writing. It’s graffiti with punctuation.”
Contagion (2011)

Conspiracy theories take lots of creativity. But “This Love” that Avion Blackman sang of has only now come under fire. Never with my boys, Braxton and Virgil, but you love…

That makes me sadder than anything. And I’d ask Can You Love Me Again, however…

(takes a deep breath, smiles) “Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” Well, summer is ending, and I know I’ll need more time with you. So I write books. But I’d write you songs as well, asking for “Five More Minutes,” as if I were the Jonas Brothers. I’m sure Braxton and Virgil would help, barking… behind the door. What memories Mommy and Daddy would make. You and I in front of the camera. Modern cinema beats “MotionMuse AI.”

A real director, a producer of our family, with you. That is, if I can ever get moving. But I’m “Like A Stone,” just looking at you. Are you Medusa? And here I wanted so badly to be a sculptor. An image of you etched…

Forever in my heart. But when you get wet enough… No, my love, I’m not grossed out today or ever really when it comes to painting a woman’s desires. Dreams. “My City of Ruins,” because I “Only Wanna Be With You.” Weaving out bodies together as long as I am able. I swear I was reading “Augmenting the First Date (Tales of the Magic Glasses Book Four)” by Neil Bimbeau this morning. And you know how I don’t buy coincidences.

Forty-One (Ben-Hur Drums beat). Love given like candy—baked goods. But in my heart, there is always writing. Loving my boys, our other children, and you. I’m no art aficionado… But could you be “The Most Beautiful Girl in the World?” Virgil’s Art Gets B.
1696 Days Without B III, Day 1137 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 082 ~Sleeping B, V, Will~

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Lucky, if I were bitten by a bug that causes sleeping sickness. Or staring at a wall in the backyard, or avoiding staring at it, is tiring me out. More hours at the Day Job? Fake it till I make it with positivity? “Sleeping B, V, Will”

Sunday, September 21, 2025

Journey 082 ~Sleeping B, V, Will~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And “I’ve Seen Better Days” or you will… But you are far from a “citizen king.” Sublime?

Your existence is not. But you’re only allowed to think that for the next one hundred and fifty words or so. You can’t let it get to two hundred words. Yes, yes, you’re still holding yourself accountable for what I started Friday. What, to not be so freaking sad, a fiend, or free. “Freedom!” No, you’re not George Michael. You’re not a Cracker Hat either.

Effing MAGA! And eff Charlie Kirk too! But if anything, you’re tired of being tired. Honestly, it’s only 6:25 AM. Your week is only beginning, and you’ve seen Ariel Winter…

In her lingerie, with other pervy things in your mind. And how about sad again. Braxton’s gone. Virgil’s sleeping his life away. Like father, like son. And Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Babysitter Harem: Mia: Age Gap MFFF Menage by Kelli Wolfe
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

(Takes a breath) You’ve had a chance to catch up on sleep since, amongst things, you’re trying to keep a budget. And you can always find out who won WWE’s Wrestlepalooza.

Or you can look at this as a chance to show some moral courage, ever since the WWE fell in with the Cracker Hats. (No, that’s not your negativity, it’s stating simple facts today.)

Being someone with a backbone can be pretty tiring. There are also all the times you’ll bend over to pick up Virgil this week. You’ve been keeping him with you for the past few hours, as I did most of last week when I didn’t have more hours at the Day Job. Having more money and then Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING As Yet To Be Determined
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000 No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Speaking of good things to tire you out, in the barks of Braxton, “Food. Food. FOOOOOOOOD!” Braxton was like a little “Twister” at times. And Virgil may be much of the same someday. His birthday is on October 20th. Never too early to start planning.

You remember that your Emergence Day cake is still in the freezer, so you should start working on eating it. I had a few slices myself as a reward for doing a little cleaning, too.

“Don’t clean the glass too well.
Why’s that?
You might get ideas.
Yeah, but if the glass is clean, it’ll be easier for you to see me when I’m on the other side.”
Gattaca (1997)

Which is better, sleeping beauty or getting some beauty sleep? “Lovin’ is what I got.”

“What I Got” is you, and you are Sublime. I hope you never forget that. And being as positive as Aaron with his beauties is tiring. Sleeping B, V, Will

1694 Days Without B III, Day 1135 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 081 ~Finding For B, Virgil~

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What’s harder, reading this, watching the back wall for 3 to 7 hours, or looking at myself in the mirror? Uh, the wall, but my eyes hurt. It’s why I prefer looking for my lost son. A problem with no answer. Virgil. Be positive. Finding For B, Virgil.

Saturday, September 20, 2025

Journey 081 ~Finding For B, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… No. If anything, I’ve forgotten how to count. To exist. To my Ex. To XXX. Ha!

I find plenty of that. But I can’t seem to find my E-Day cake in the freezer. It isn’t deserved.

Neither are all my bad words, which is why I’ve been trying something since yesterday.

Limiting myself to a 100, well, 125 today, depreciating words. Censorship on my depression, Lady Luna. I swear, every day I become more and more like those MAGA Cracker Hats. But you know how the world is. The war on Truth and Sadness is Real.

Lunalesca, it’s who I am. And you would figure it would be easier to lose myself since most days I’m screaming at myself in the mirror, I hate you so much right now! But today:

“Don’t you ever tame your demons
But always keep ’em on a leash.”
Arsonist’s Lullabye

I found myself thinking of Braxton again. I saw the three dots on Virgil’s back, B’s little brother. One on his head. One around his hips, (Hurry Up and Wait), the life of a writer. And the last dot is near his tail—a sign of joy. We sat sharing French fries I got from this food truck that I’ve been meaning to visit for weeks. As Morpheus screamed, Lunalesca:

“We are still here!”
Morpheus

Maybe I’ll try the food truck’s chicken today. I still have ten simoleons from budgeting. It allowed me to try something new, and isn’t that a good thing? Though I am buying books from a series I’m continuing. “Pledged To Him 6: An Unconventional Romance (His Sorority Harem Book Six)” by Neil Bimbeau. Going out into the world, Lady Luna.

Or sitting quietly with Virgil…

Oh, another thing. I bought a new pair of earbuds, too. Are the hours at the Day Job getting any better? Anything that has me looking out at the world. You know that Tupac song, “Starin’ Through My Rear View.” My son, my sons are alive. I’m grateful for Virgil.

And when I do right by myself, that’s doing right for my Braxton. Honoring him.

Lunalesca, that is how I will see him. I wasn’t watching the clock when I was on the loveseat, sharing lunch with his little brother. And it’s better I change these words—every single letter. When I see tomorrow, not if, when like DJ Khaled “All I Do Is Win.”

Lunalesca “It’s Time To Win.” Always, Finding For B, Virgil.

1693 Days Without B III, Day 1134 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 079 ~Misplacing Braxton and Virgil~

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My best moments: Closing the door to the world. Covering myself in bed. Climbing out of my clothes… Um, Eww? Don’t we all? Better being here than being misplaced out there, existing. But my boys deserve freedom. People? Misplacing Braxton and Virgil.

Thursday, September 18, 2025

Journey 079 ~Misplacing Braxton and Virgil~

1691 Days Without B III, Day 1132 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? Am I sure I don’t have to work today? Your grandpa isn’t coming over?

As always, I would rather give GRIEF a seat at my table than FEAR. My table, that’s funny. Does the table I’m not working at even have legs? It remains to be seen, Baby B.

I’m in no hurry to go downstairs. I’m an effing FREE man at “Forty-One” (Cue the Ben-Hur galley drums). But I told your grandpa once all I wanted was a room with a bath, a mini-fridge, a microwave, and a bed. Braxton, I have a whole house! Am I ungrateful?

Goodness, no! What I am doing is thinking—you and your little brother Virgil. Really?

Well, Braxton, I am imagining you lying beside me. Your brother is right here, sleeping.

So what exactly has been misplaced? I woke up. LIFE!

My entire damn existence! Excuse me, B. “Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage.” Bullet with Butterfly Wings. I’m “In My Place,” Braxton—our place for a bit longer.

How long ago was it that Coldplay and a CEO cheating on his wife was the biggest thing B III? Have you seen what MAGA and the Cracker Hats have done? I swear, little Braxton.

But you and I were content in 2020 when everything was on lockdown. Good Times.

Everyone else was singing about “Hard Times,” like they were auditioning for the group Paramore. Speaking of which, the hot Visual Lady at the Day Job said I’m very eclectic.

My music, you know, Braxton. I should stop saying that.

My anything! What the eff belongs to me? Do you remember your grandpa buying you?

I’ll be sounding like a Cracker Hat in a minute because they tend to forget that owning someone’s life is wrong. And like them, they think they have misplaced what’s not theirs, my son. I’m no thief. I did steal your life and your brother’s. And again, your Dad’s what?

I gave my heart to M Anime, so I can’t say that it was misplaced. Now trust and coherent thought. I dropped those somewhere to keep a hold of my… Eww. All for Cherry’s t*ts.

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos.

Time misplaced, and I don’t need to go outside for that. I prefer “My Own Prison” and “Like A Stone” alone. Misplacing Braxton and Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 078 ~B Brave, V Valiant~

WillLeave a comment

My boys are braver than M Anime and I. Braxton and Virgil survived me… Well, Braxton did fifteen years anyway. And I’ve done forty-one years when it comes to my Old Man. I can’t talk to him, and M Anime wouldn’t speak to me. “B Brave, V Valiant”

Wednesday, September 17, 2025

Journey 078 ~B Brave, V Valiant~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I haven’t lived up to the expectations of my boys. Virgil? Valiant? Really? While we’re on the subject…

I’ve explained how Virgil got his name, 2-V. Virgil for Dante’s Guide through Hell, i.e., myself. It’s also for Virgil Hawkins a.k.a. Static, a superhero. His middle name comes from Vivi the Black Mage of Final Fantasy IX. It was almost Victor. He always wins.

However, the name 2-V comes from 2B/2E, the black and white protagonist of NieR: Automata. Again, another warrior. I’m no warrior, Echo. Nor am I a wizard or a writer.

Ha! Inspector, I don’t even bother to check my book’s standing with Amazon, “My Turn To B III.” That’s the lesser of many fears I have. Inspector, what’s the biggest? The one thing I want to be and the one who scares me the most. A father. My father. Inspector.

“Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.”
― William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

Most of last week and this one has been readying for Thursday. I’m “Forty-One” dammit! As always, cue up the Ben-Hur drums of the galley slaves. The same boat, Inspector?

Nope. I feel like that child I was… Please, I’m still a child. Anyway, I’m sitting in my Olds car, going to get my ass beat for whatever. Today, it’s destroying the house they bought.

Well, not really. Bugs? Builders? A lack of BUCKS? Or me being the VILLAIN that I am, Echo. My attempts at violence. Or my lack of a voice. I’ve said nothing of all this, Echo.

Why? One would have to be brave and valiant. Super Mario? Inspector, Toad would say:

“Thank you (Will)! But our princess is in another castle!”

Anywhere but here. Something M Anime and I agree on.

How would I know? Next week marks a month since I last talked to her. I’m no Alpha. I’m not sure I’ll live to see next week. “Odds are you won’t live to see tomorrow.”

“Beware of pretty faces that you find
A pretty face can hide an evil mind
Oh, be careful what you say
Or you’ll give yourself away
Odds are you won’t live to see tomorrow.”
Secret Agent Man ― Johnny Rivers

Inspector, does this make me a “Secret Agent Man?” It makes me an “Ordinary Human.”

But “I want to be brave and selfless and intelligent and honest and kind.” Only I’m “Dead In The Water.” For those playing our home game, there’s “The Giver,” “Divergent,” and an Ellie Goulding reference all rolled together—the things I will miss, Inspector. STOP!

Thursday will come, and I owe B III and 2-V. Children owe parents nothing, Inspector. Braxton is owed all I am. But my Old Man… Gulp. B Brave, V Valiant

“Let me tell you something. I owe you nothing! If you carried that bag a million miles, you did what you’re supposed to do! Because you brought me into this world. And from that day, you owed me everything you could ever do for me, like I will owe my son if I ever have another. But you don’t own me! You can’t tell me when or where I’m out of line, or try to get me to live my life according to your rules. You don’t even know what I am, Dad, you don’t know who I am. You don’t know how I feel, what I think. And if I tried to explain it the rest of your life you will never understand.”
Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (1967)

1690 Days Without B III, Day 1131 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 077 ~Aisles B, V, M~

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Holding my boys’ leashes, holding my woman’s hand, holding my kids who can’t walk yet. Hell! I would settle for holding enough cash to afford a proper meal. But I’m busy holding all this FEAR because it’s not selling. Like my book ha… Aisles B, V, M.

Tuesday, September 16, 2025

Journey 077 ~Aisles B, V, M~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Enough to take “The Long Walk” down the aisle to wait for you. I’m waiting.

“I had hoped we could have made it [to] the altar.” M Anime, Aug 24th

You’re waiting. Still waiting for me to stop playing Charlie Kirk. You know, saying STUPID sh*t about… How do THEY say these days, being “unalived?” I wonder if Inspector Echo thinks that a sin. Why should I care? I’m not a religious man, my love.

Once upon a time, I was an Atheist. Then I became a father for the first time. B III’s dad.

And as I contemplate the things I need to buy to save my life. My Old Man called. But I’ve been thinking about places where I feel Braxton’s soul the most. One of those places is an aisle in PetSmart, next to Virgil’s food and Banfield, where Braxton passed away.

Love, I should have joined him and not just watched.

I watched and waited and walked that aisle alone, carrying what was left of existence. And you walked down the aisle with or without your father. I’ve forgotten, maybe.

Beloved, all I know is you were coming to claim what I had left. All that I was willing to give to you freely. Is it too much? Today is Friday, September 12, 2025. Effing heavy.

Darling, I’ve been weighed down in this chair all day long except for emergencies. Ha! Again with “The Long Walk.” “He just kept picking them up and laying them down.”

Our kids, my feet, and I want to say my FEAR. No FEAR is the one thing I don’t need to shop for today. It’s free, unlike me. I can’t.

“You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting.”
Daniel 5:27, The Book of Daniel

Even when I sit down to watch a movie. I hated my childhood, but to be as carefree as a kid again, going to Video Express or Blockbuster. Am I showing my age, “Forty-One” ha!

“Ben-Hur,” “The Long Walk,” and, to add a movie to the list, “Exit 8.” I’m “The Lost Man.” And I look at you going down every aisle, hallway, and threshold, and I close my eyes and wonder. Are you the anomaly? Should I turn around and run away, my love?

“Give me one reason to stay here, and I’ll turn right back around.” It’s what you’re singing to me. And even if I found that reason, is it diapers, milk, and bread, or a drink? Myself? Aisles B, V, M.

1689 Days Without B III, Day 1130 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will