Meditation 201 ~Virgil On B’s Ending~

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A bang or a whimper? I’ve seen many an end in forty years. Sometimes, it’s the flick of a finger on the screen. It could be a lawsuit. A moan and release over a brunette. Or my B speaking to my heart, asking, “Why can’t I stay?” Virgil On B’s Ending.

Saturday, January 18, 2025

Meditation 201 ~Virgil On B’s Ending~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… This means I should leave the country for four years or so. Don’t I wish… But

Then again, I wish I didn’t need to leave the house. That would be at the top of Virgil’s wish list. And I’m sure that Braxton would approve. But what else is new? My revelation?

Yesterday, while I was shopping… And because of both my phone issues and my earwax. Eww! I know Lady Lunalesca. Anyway, I was left to my thoughts. Were they positive?

I thought about Braxton and my partnership and why we got along so well… Lunalesca. Braxton and I both hate people. And so I’m walking around thinking of this. Uh…

We need a new plague, Lady Lunalesca, with Trump about to be back in office; who knows. But that’s another story, and I thought I was trying to be positive. The thought of Trump’s return and the state of the world can be overwhelming sometimes.

Positive! You’re gonna be positive! But that’s just it, Lady Lunalesca. I was standing there in Walmart, overcome by such rage for humanity. And I remembered that Braxton felt the same way. And to think Braxton passed away because of my indifference. I hid rage. Not at him, of course. And it’s the same thing with Virgil. Only replace ANGER with FEAR. Braxton and I balanced each other. But the fact that I can endure such horror with Virgil. Think of it, Lady Lunalesca. How strong must Virgil and I be to continue to exist?

Even when I’m lost in a maze of confusion. When life is a costly affair? When some pretty brunette fills me with carnal desire? I swear my streak of checks notes of one day nearly ended just this morning, Lunalesca.

Could I give a specific part of my anatomy a rest for the next two weeks? In honor of B

Lunalesca, am I meant to end my days in this bed mourning Braxton Barks forever. I’ve been thinking about Braxton’s ending. Oh, and not Yevgeny Zamyatin’s “WE.” I finished that this morning and had to look up the plot because… What the eff, Lady Lu.

I thought about starting Satan’s Sorority Girls 8. On the grounds, I was reading an Eric Vall book when B III left me. Lunalesca, I could do that next week. But my lady, the end is yet to come. Several…

Well, TikTok’s end is Sunday, January 19, 2025. And Trump’s in power the day after. Lunalesca, Braxton’s passing was the 31st. Virgil On B’s Ending

1448 Days Without B III, Day 889 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 200 ~Virgil’s Booking Today Braxton~

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If I were to become a “Book Person of Fahrenheit 451,” I’d become The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson, The Island by Gary Paulsen, or A Different Alchemy by Chris Dietzel. And what about Braxton’s novels. For now, I’m BILLS Virgil’s Booking Today Braxton

Friday, January 17, 2025

Meditation 200 ~Virgil’s Booking Today Braxton~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… An honest one. What’s going to happen to the country, perhaps? Sadly, it’s not Yevgeny Zamyatin.

“WE?” I couldn’t tell you much about it, even if I wanted to. THEY say this was the catalyst for books like 1984 and Brave New World. And it might be my last book… Inauguration

Honestly, if I could do it all over again, my lady. My book choices have been, as the young folks say, “Sus” since December. I didn’t read anything about Christmas and the “adult narrative” as I prepared for the end. And then everything pointed to the book WE. Leave it to the Russians, Sophia. No, that’s a Trump and MAGA thing. But as for me?

What would I want to read at the end? If only I had paid more attention to Braxton instead of burying myself in books. The Friday before Braxton passed, I finished Succubus Lord 7 and started on Succubus Lord 8. If anything, I’m utterly fed up with reading anything. Everything.

No, Lady Sophia, it’s not because I have a headache and need better glasses. However, I need to reschedule my eye exam. And before that, Braxton willing, I’ll take Virgil for a PAWdicure today. The scratches on my arm are proof that he needs one. Can I be any more selfish? Well, you have to read that I have called him B again. Four years.

And that is something I never get tired of reading. Ever! How my Braxton lived…

As we edge closer to the reign of MAGA, I find myself mirroring their disdain for reading. It’s a disheartening transformation, one I never thought I’d undergo. Yet, I’m here.

The truth is, I’m struggling to keep up with Virgil’s needs. I had to search for his papers just to take him to PetSmart today. And his medication? I’m not even sure when he had his last dose. Some father!

I’m sick of reading about coupons, so I can offer Virgil some small comfort, Sophia.

The receipts from yesterday from the BBQ place I had to drive to twice because of a wrong order. And the groceries that I can barely afford. But a “man’s” gotta eat. But being online, energy shots, and Onlyfans… In the words of my generation, “MO’ MONEY! MO’ MONEY!” There are the termite, townhome, fire, and garbage people’s bills due.

Fahrenheit 451 may have the right idea. Words, Sophia? Do It! Virgil’s Booking Today Braxton

1447 Days Without B III, Day 888 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 199 ~Plans B Thru V~

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Braxton wasn’t very good at planning, either. Like father, like son. The plan is to stay in bed or under it, in his case, and make the world go away. Like whatever I sniffed at the Day Job has me all queasy. But there’s life… Plans B Thru V

Thursday, January 16, 2025

Meditation 199 ~Plans B Thru V~

1446 Days Without B III, Day 887 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m still a day away, or rather 1446. We’re going on four long years, son.

Eff! I’m effed! You’re effed! Everything is effed! And not in the Carrie Cummings sort of way. The cute chick I was looking up this Wednesday, January 15, 2025. (Drools). From plans to pornography, everything seems to be in disarray.

Braxton, I know. Eww! I’m supposed to be positive. But today, I’ve been going back and forth between being sick. It’s Been a tough day, B III. It’s like a never-ending cycle, son. Whenever I get over one thing, like earwax, there’s always something else.

A queasy stomach? And my leg as well. It’s like the moment I’m headed out to the Day Job, Braxton, my leg is on fire. And with what’s happening on Monday B. Run Boy Run?

I should be making plans to live, somehow, someway. But I really want, Braxton, to find a way to connect with you. You were/are my son, Braxton. Always and Forever.

As the song goes, “I don’t fear shh but tomorrow.” I’m a black man, a Dad, and for a few minutes… uh, a writer. But Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream. And brother Malcolm:

“In fact, not even as an American, because if I was an American, the problem that confronts our people today wouldn’t even exist. So I have to stand here today as what I was when I was born: a black man. Before there was any such thing as a Republican or a Democrat, we were black.” ― Malcolm X (1992)

I swear, even if I knew what to do, I wouldn’t know what to do. There’s the Inauguration of a racist. THEY won’t like me saying that. You and me, Braxton, “We men, ain’t we?”

There’s the fact I’m becoming broker and broker Day Job-wise. I don’t wanna work… Huh?

Then how will I pay for all the things Virgil desperately needs? And when I can remember the name of the living, what about you, Braxton? Because starting the twenty-fifth…

What’s another week of remembrance? How do I honor you?

I haven’t read a book on Pet Loss so far this year. A part of me wants to perform the burning of the funeral garments like in Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. Uh, didn’t I, B?

Your box is sitting here, and I’ve only opened it once. And I owe you so many gifts, my son. But you tell me that you’re still here. Whatever will you tell me next week?

Recovering from everything from this month, what will I be doing in February? M Anime? Boy, don’t I wish! But she wouldn’t appreciate that. I asked to be her Valentine last year…She forgot, B. She’s got no plans to be your stepmom or my conquest. Revelations, dreams, a plan B. Thinking… Plans B Thru V

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 198 ~B Emotional Virgil, Indifference…~

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All from a thirty-minute trip. I can remember days when I feared no evil. I remember days when fear, anger, and evil were everything. My son and I fighting my father. B’s loss. A fast food trip. And yet I smile. B Emotional Virgil, Indifference…

Wednesday, January 15, 2025

Meditation 198 ~B Emotional Virgil, Indifference…~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… But on Tuesday, January 14, 2025, this afternoon, I rather talk about emotions. Being afraid, angry, and indifferent.

And my GRATITUDE for it… What do you expect, Echo? You want my positivity now.

All it takes is a thirty-minute trip to the gas station, McDonald’s, and “home” again.

Inspector, that’s why I’m afraid. Really! What is it that I tell Braxton? From Spontaneous:

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

There I was driving, and the fear, sadness, and anxiety overflowed like my orange soda. And it is not ok to “live” like this. I swear sitting here one more day in bed. Being scared. And when I leave this room… It’s no good for V, either. But we sit together, exhausted by our fears, or is it the fast food. And what would Virgil know about any females, Inspector?

And like a great king said… And yet, I smile.

Even through the anger… That’s what comes next, Inspector. At both man and machine. Monsters, both real and imaginary. Both mostly at myself. My dear E, I’m “Just A Man.”

Please, if only. And for the record, I’m not worthy of this song or “Like A Prayer. All the awesome things Braxton sends my way. And who am I? Not the brave man beside him. I’m frozen in fear and must summon up the blood, rage, and darkness that becomes the blaze to get myself moving. The fire under my feet, a step closer on the Highway To Hell. Run Boy Run. B and my “unofficial” theme song. To or from battle? I don’t know.

Inspector, does it even matter anymore? And yet, I smile.

Because I feel something. And that, above all, beats Indifference. It wasn’t fear or anger…

Ok, so maybe there was some anger. But I’ve admitted I wanted to protect Braxton, Inspector. My anger was never about him. So I tried to feel nothing, which cost me my son, B III.

But when I’m sitting in the middle of the road, Inspector Echo, having a breakdown…

And why? I can’t tell you. But I had to let it go and become the Dad I was before I knew my son was dying. The damned man I am and was come four years ago. A dead man.

And yet, I smile, Inspector. I have GRATITUDE. I can try and save Virgil. Tell him, B Emotional Virgil, Indifference…

1445 Days Without B III, Day 886 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 197 ~Braxton Souled Out Virgil~

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Before Braxton took his big trip to The Rainbow Bridge, he had a look saying, Heaven isn’t so great. So I asked for him. Reincarnated? He’s not Virgil. As a Dad, I was spoiled for 15 years. But who am I? Where’s B’s stepmom? Braxton Souled Out Virgil

Tuesday, January 14, 2025

Meditation 197 ~Braxton Souled Out Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And “If This World Were Mine.” Come now, love. What day doesn’t begin with music?

If anything, it begins with “Easy Street.” Then bring in some Cheryl Lynn and Luther Vandross. From there, it’s A Cruel Angel’s Thesis, the opening theme for the Evangelion series. Though, what I wouldn’t give to go back to those 3 AM mornings of Inuyasha.

Fukai Mori? My love, my life, you know that I love you. But tell me I could go back. Let me, let me wake up to that piece of music. And peace of mind. Not in this 40-year-old form of mine. The spoiled boy that I don’t ever want to see again. Yet, I’m still him in some way. Hell, that’s my life’s goal. To wake up without pain or in the pursuit of pleasure.

Your pus**? Or wanting power.

But in peace. What is peace? Here’s a better question? Darling, what peace I’ve lost…

Selling out? To provide for my FAMILY… Could I have my best FRIEND back? Because I like to watch people… Uh, Eff? It doesn’t bother me. Not even slightly, my Darling. I have been blessed. And if it cost me my soul? If I am to become a FIEND, whatever…

I was reading last night and had a revelation, an epiphany, and some ideas. I’m not doing Yevgeny Zamyatin’s “We” justice. Sorry… Anyway, he was talking about having a soul…

Forming… And this is as negative as I will be today. But when I sent Braxton to The Rainbow Bridge, it was because of kidney failure. But my boy’s heart…

Mine remains these 4 years later inscrutably broken. But to love as Braxton did love.

Having such a heart as he gave me. And then there’s having my soul returned. Darling, I have no thoughts of getting into Heaven. But I have thought it, seen and heard it in you.

A man sells off pieces of himself. And what does he get in return for such a sacrifice, my love? THEY say a man provides for his family. “That is the way of things,” always.

Jem’Hadar? Really! Love you married a man who continually pimps himself as a pop culture so-and-so. Who delights in adult pleasures? And plays music at all hours. Tell me why? The world, my love. And everything in it. Love and peace! Braxton Souled Out Virgil.

1444 Days Without B III, Day 885 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 196 ~Right To B Silent~

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I’d always tell my son Braxton to shut up. But when he barked, it was helping me or explaining his side. My other boy, Virgil, never makes a sound unless I’m leaving or he’s hurt. But I’ll take their noise or silence over people. “Right To B Silent.”

Monday, January 13, 2025

Meditation 196 ~Right To B Silent~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Can you hear me now? Good… That might have even been before my time, Dad. We’re old men here.

Here. You and me, always and forever, if we’re singing The Wannadies. Or forever and always, I’m always here if you’re thinking Jimi Jamison. The facts are… The time doesn’t matter; you can hear me, and I’m always here. Where did you think you got that “always” line from? When it comes to the ladies… You got that from me. What’s one more lesson, Dad?

Being the strong, silent type, you know. And speaking of what I know… Last night…

Daddy, do you feel better? I hate to see you in pain. Like father, like son. Or vice versa. I suppose. You think “such and such” was terrible on January 11, 2022. But earwax, Daddy?

Only you wanted to make sure you heard me today.

Not the alarm clock. Humans and time. You hear the clock ticking as if it were a replacement for me walking back and forth in the hall. Well, it ain’t. You treat the clock like Virgil. Something you have to listen to, but at the end of the day, what have you accomplished… Other than missing me. Again, Dad, I’m here always. Accept that, Daddy.

It’s time. And no, I don’t mean ACCEPTANCE. You look at that the way you’re looking at the bug, glow box, and trash can people. You know why I barked at all of them, ha-ha.

Yet you went a whole week not hearing anything. But at midnight… You were screamin’ at last night as if you thought you’d hear me.

And you go back and forth with it. Sometimes, you want all the noise I make to drown out all the people. The songs we listen to, the tapping of your finger across the page, and may we never forget our movie nights with “our” favorite girl. Or even” Just The Two Of Us” watching wrestling. Seriously, Daddy, no sound compared, Next 2 Our Hearts.

But yours still beating Daddy, even if you can’t hear it. Just as you refuse to say that my heart ever did. Only this is not the Tell-Tale Heart you’re reading in the silence today.

Daddy, if I were to bring you silence, I would speak that I leave you in love and peace. Practicing the Right To B Silent.

“Let us go singing as far as we go: the road will be less tedious.”

1443 Days Without B III, Day 884 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 195 ~That’s Another B Virgil~

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He that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow. Is the Bible Pop Culture? Anyway, I learned a lot last week… I know something else is broken, and I have no clue how to fix it. Or cash. And that includes my existence. That’s Another B Virgil

Sunday, January 12, 2025

Meditation 195 ~That’s Another B Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Are you a Dad yet? Are you hard enough? Are you rough enough? Are you rich enough?

First off… Eww! Second, the week has just begun… Darling, the nightmare has just begun. Once again, this isn’t negativity. You are pointing out facts. And the truth hurts. Doesn’t it? That is when you can hear it. The body. The brain. Braxton’s Playlist… Madness

Braxton is ashes in a box. And you’re a boy in a bed. Would you kindly get up and do…?

Well, something other than fantasizing about Ashley Graham from RE4 or Cherry. There are so many choices. And not so many days. How many months has it been since E-Day?

And now… You know what is coming up at the end of the month. How B III met his end.

You’re so dark this morning. Dystopia and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING It Can’t Happen Here – Sinclair Lewis (dystopian political novel)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 008, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

At least you’re telling the truth about number four. The last time you broke, it took MILF Dos’s voice and Cherry’s body. What do you want? Perfection, Consistency, uh… Discipline. Hell, the answer is your name, Will. All you need is the Will. Nothing more.

The Will to win. Where there’s a Will, there’s a way. The gift of Free Will and all that jazz.

But yeah, you could use Braxton and the willingness to quit with pop culture references.

Only Will you settle for another B-day? What’s one more day spent bedridden, Hmm? What’s another day singing, “Had a Bad Day again.” What’d I say about Pop Culture? Yet most of this morning was spent on b**bs, Yabbos. And not these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING We by Yevgeny Zamyatin (Dystopia)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Because? If this was school, what would you be getting? A, B, C, D… F? What happened to E? What indeed? Shall I tell you? It’s the least I can do. “EASY like Sunday morning.”

That’s what happened. And it’s a lie. There’s fake it till you make it, and then there’s ignorance, insanity, and downright indifference. The idea that it’s okay to be well… A forty-year-old boy. How about to be Braxton? You have your box to exist in. What about to be a beta? There’s another word for that… NTR (Netorare), but that’s a story for the bedroom.

And you need to leave this one. Don’t make today another failure. Don’t pray for a D… Eww! Get up, Will! That’s Another B Virgil

1442 Days Without B III, Day 883 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 194 ~Braxton, Virgil, Button Up~

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I should buy Braxton and Virgil coats and little boots. B III would have taken one of my hands. And 2-V would be as confused as ever. What about myself? My mouth, pants, wallet, and computer. Buttons and locks. “Braxton, Virgil, Button Up.”

Saturday, January 11, 2025

Meditation 194 ~Braxton, Virgil, Button Up~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Which means I live somewhere that’s warm… And preferably green. A modern-day Eden. My own Elysium.

Is there anything wrong with singing “Throw The Covers” over me? Is that not positive? One doesn’t always have to be working to have a positive experience in this life…

Though my Dearest Lady Lunalesca, Will Smith had the right idea. I believe it goes:

“If you’re not making someone else’s life better, then you’re wasting your time.”
Will Smith

Of course, that was my son Braxton and now Virgil. But I couldn’t save him from the heat. And now the snow. We’re not freezing. If only the temperature were the only issue right now.

Nowadays, it’s money. If only there was some sort of lock for my wallet, bank account, and wherever else I have cash. I did have hundreds in a cookie tin and the Death Star, ha.

When the Man Comes Around? That man is my father…

Don’t I want to be positive? I’ve got my son, who’s been gone almost four years. And my father, who is very much alive and pays my bills. And what do I want, Lady Lunalesca?

I want to unbutton my pants for a girl on OnlyFans. It’s saying things like that, which is costing me friends. Or repeating The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. That’s today…

https://onlyfans.com/1481875569/willyswants

I could spend hours looking that up. Oh, besides researching Mia Rose and Lorena Sanchez? For the record, T*** Eff Holes 6. And there was talking to M Anime, Lunalesca.

Nightmare At The Meat Market. I swear the only thing that has me both unbuttoning my pants and, at the same time, pushing buttons in the right direction. For what?

So I don’t have to worry. As long as I’m doing anything positive… we gon’ be alright. Ha. Remaining positive.

And speaking of “We.” That’s what I was reading this morning. The house is falling apart, sure. But Trump and the next four years… As long as no one accuses me of trying to eat Virgil. I’m nowhere near the best person, Lunalesca. Self-awareness is a positive. Don’t you think?

Lunalesca, I’m also supposed to be getting some new equipment. Again, anything to keep me busy. The promise to M Anime to send her more of her nightmarish tale. Sigh.

Lunalesca, if I could button up everything… And become indifferent once more. Uh, B III? The world is getting colder. I know my destination. 9th Circle. Braxton, Virgil, Button Up.

1441 Days Without B III, Day 882 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 193 ~Plan B To V~

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A Snow Day! I don’t have to go to the Day Job. My eye appointment was canceled. And 2-V was like, “You’re out of your damn mind! I’m not going out there! Even if I match!” Anything can happen! Even being positive in the “9th Circle,” huh. Plan B To V

Friday, January 10, 2025

Meditation 193 ~Plan B To V~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Of how I was happy once… Perish the thought. The last time I was close… Uh…

Is that what we’re going to talk about? Seriously! What else is there? Lady Sophia…

“Snow day! Snow day, snow day, snow day. Snow day! Anything can happen!”
Snow Day

And to think, once upon a time, I wanted to be a weatherman. No, better. A meteorologist, my lady. And this was way before I met “Weatherman” in school. I wonder what happened to that guy. He would make these weather reports in school. And if the boy told you, it was going to snow… Don’t bother getting out of bed. The boy had passion.

Lady Sophia, with all of the tales I’ve written, what happened to my passion? Dedication?

Well, I made it to the dining room table this morning. Such were my feelings of euphoria. I’m nostalgic because snow meant avoiding humiliation. School or today’s eye appointment. Ha!

I should have my eyes checked. Then, I would find happiness. I must be positive…

More like B Positive for Braxton. Hell, Virgil is white too. And apparently, the last thing I need right now is a white guy telling me what to do. How’s that for some DEI, MAGA?

Virgil is okay. The snow was a pleasant surprise. I’m all for white women… Well, all women, but today, the women that got me going… Anyway, there’s the white page.

Didn’t I enjoy Sinclair Lewis’s book? And I sampled Yevgeny Zamyatin’s novel, We. But I can’t tell you a thing about it; I was so out of it last night. And my eye doctor is a white guy. The vet that saved Braxton’s life… Memories.

So, correction. I don’t need any of MAGA, and that includes their tokens, Tim Scott, Byron Donalds, Candace Owens, etc. Telling me what to do. Schooling when there’s no school.

Aren’t I supposed to be talking about things that feel like a snow day? Honestly, the moments that give me a feeling of… Hope. I don’t know. Let’s say that gets me out of bed.

Some girl was in my lap in the backseat of a car. Ah, first time. To be chosen over air… (Cue Homer Drool). There’s watching movies with B III and his favorite girl. Or, Virgil. There’s reaching 50,000 words for NaNoWriMo. All these things give me a Snow Day feeling. And yet I smile, going nowhere. Plan B To V

1440 Days Without B III, Day 881 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 192 ~X, B, V, Unknowns~

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When Braxton was around, this bed was good for one thing… Sleeping. Because who knows what would happen if I went beyond the door’s threshold. Food. Fury. Female Friends. But always there was the problem of FEAR. So positivity? X, B, V, Unknowns

Thursday, January 9, 2025

Meditation 192 ~X, B, V, Unknowns~

1439 Days Without B III, Day 880 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day, you’d ask… After napping too long. How it was or what I did…

At this particular moment, I’m feeling lost, B. I’m wiping the tears from my face, struggling to be positive. I’ve even talked to Inspector Echo about FEAR, PAIN, and RAGE, my boy. You know your Dad can be a bit hot-headed for any number of reasons. But it comes to…

Stupidity. I want to ask you how you grew up so fast. Because being here…

Braxton, I know, I know! Again positivity. But everything, everyone, and everywhere makes no sense to me. It’s like I tell people all the time. I’m here. This point, space, and time. And like those same people B III It’s me, hi. I’m the problem; it’s me. Dear ole’ Dad.

Today, though, at this very moment, the thing that scares me is the Day Job. eSign Topper Change… Doesn’t look like anything to me. Even if you knew what to do you wouldn’t know what to do. It’s all Greek to me. And is there anything else from Pop Culture?

How about play? That ain’t something we should speak on. But my Dad never taught me about women. And now I’m into Judy Alvarez, who reminds me of a tattooed Irish lass. Sextra Credit. And now I have a thing for sisters, B. You swore off women… Not your aunt.

Thinking about our movie nights with her and food… I got forty dollars, Braxton. How do I live off that? It wouldn’t bother you any.

That was a bad joke, I know, but the fact that I could make it with how you passed away… But Virgil is here, and he’s still unknown. Even though you passed, goin on four long years. Still wakin’ up at late at night cryin’ tears. R. Kelly? Seriously? Disgusting!

Changing the subject… What book should I read next, B? I finished “It Can’t Happen Here.” I value your opinion, my boy. Though back in the day you left all the reading to me. Right?

There’s also TV. I finished the second season of Squid Game on Tuesday. Any thoughts? Well, other than that, I was Gi-hun, and you were Jung-bae. And I… The friendship?

Being positive? What will I do to honor you and to remember? Running late. Because into the unknown… I would rather sleep. You know about that. X, B, V, Unknowns

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad