Author: Will

Meditation 334 ~Braxton’s BASS Face Virgil~

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I’m all about that bass, no treble. Escape correcting others of my pronouns. What am I? Full MAGA. Ew! At least I’m not telling people we’re all going to die. Well, more in a “Don’t Look Up” way. But Virgil needs to live. “Braxton’s BASS Face Virgil”

Saturday, May 31, 2025

Meditation 334 ~Braxton’s BASS Face Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… If that were the case, I’d be screaming my head off. Crying, complaining while crapping cash.

Ew! But having money is the shit because “Oh, somehow I know there’s more to life than this.” “Only God Knows Why.” Life and God; “Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone?” My son, my Braxton. Am I not going to talk about him today? What about his little brother Virgil? Is it better to talk about the living, not the dead? Republicans…

“Well, we all are going to die.”
Senator Joni Ernst

Geez, Louise, Lady Lunalesca, I’m not that bad to say such a thing in a room full of constituents. And the Senator had some bass in her voice, too. So I want bass and billions.

Why? To keep Virgil from ending up like Braxton. One more problem off my plate or the exam table. Lunalesca, Virgil is alive and well.

Am I lying? Well, his look-at-me fee was $190.00. Do you remember when I was bragging about the car dealership waving that $189.00? I can’t do that anymore. With everything…

Virgil’s check-up, with six months of medication. The vet did say Virgil Vivi is heartworm-free. And speaking of free, they threw in a nail trim. So, with all of that and a late lunch, the damage comes out to around $270.00. So what’s the bad news. The TOOTH, dear Lu.

Virgil needs a teeth cleaning in the worst way. Like father, like son. Which is why I keep my mouth shut. All the dental work I need. And when I speak plainly, Dear Lady Lunalesca.

My voice has no bass, I’m afraid to say, Lunalesca.

Did I want a burger that badly yesterday? Or did I want to hear someone call me ‘Sir’ over ‘Ma’am’?

Another reason for Braxton and Virgil. With every bark, beat, and breath, all I hear is Dad, Daddy, or Father. I don’t think Virgil has ever been so grateful after the vets brought him back to me. He nearly didn’t make it to the appointment after the vet’s humiliating call. You know me, I’d do anything for my furry sons.

Don’t be such a drama KING. So, the receptionist called me ‘Ma’am’ over the phone.

Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom says she can fall in love with my maleness. I’m quite the guy until someone brings me back to reality, like what happened to Meghan Trainor? She’s happy… Me, Boys, Stepmom? Braxton’s BASS Face Virgil

1581 Days Without B III, Day 1022 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 333 ~Zero To Braxton, Virgil~

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I’m reading Stephen King’s The Long Walk. Writing is like participating. I need to win. I’m not my Virgil’s hero; I “failed” my Braxton. But I’d rather have pet bills than euthanasia papers. Speaking of caring. There’s a girl. Zero To Braxton, Virgil

Friday, May 30, 2025

Meditation 333 ~Zero To Braxton, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… “Pontypool Changes Everything,” maybe? I’m afraid not. I won’t be buying any books this week. Paycheck?

Zero. That’s for last week. And this week, I didn’t fare much better. But I was at the Day Job, and if last night was any indication, I was exhausted. The week I worked won’t even pay for Virgil’s Vet Appointment today. I don’t look forward to reading Virgil’s bill.

Sophia, I didn’t want to read Braxton’s Euthanasia papers either. But they’ve rested on the coffee table for four long years. As long as Virgil’s been alive. Keeping Virgil alive.

“And even though you passed. Going on four long years. Still waking up late at night crying tears.”
I Wish

That’s the rub. And yes, nobody needs to be singing any R. Kelly. My son B III is a hero. Braxton is Love. Braxton is Cruel. Braxton was close to Happiness. Like “Kill is Kiss.”

More Pontypool? Because reading bills, bottles, and bureaucracy kinda sucks.

Like reading my works? I’d like to stay up long enough to write. Why’d I choose this way? I chose nothing for if I had well… “I’ll always love my Mama,” but mistakes were made.

“I chose nothing. I was born, and this is what I am.”
Achilles, Troy (2004)

Achilles wasn’t a hero. Hercules was. The animated one, not Kevin Sorbo’s edition. MAGA-loving douche. One more reason I prefer to keep my head in the pages. While this is a time for heroes, I think the American consensus seems to be, as Tina Turner sang, “We Don’t Need Another Hero.” And did I hear correctly that the Cheeto and Chief want a dome? SIGH.

Figuratively, I hope. But you never know. I don’t want to talk politics, but we could be living in Paradigm City from The Big O.

Speaking of anime and The Big O, there’s my boys’ potential stepmom, M Anime. “One More Night” was spent texting her. The Phil Collins version, not Maroon 5. But I keep thinking about how she said their “Sunday Morning” reminded her of me. My heart…

Anyway, last night, it wasn’t only “Sexxx Dreams.” What comes after? If everything goes according to plan, the “Possibility.” Hell, possibilities. After coming comes creation.

“The opposite of war isn’t peace. It’s creation.”
Jonathan Larson

Creating children, can we have a home, “I can be the man you need me to be,” I want to tell her. But Sophia, the last promise I made to someone. I told my B III that he’d be ok.

With M Anime, I’d be both hero and villain. Like Braxton. Zero To Braxton, Virgil

1580 Days Without B III, Day 1021 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 332 ~Braxton’s So Forward, Virgil~

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Don’t be rude, randy, or rough B. “Treat Her Like A Lady.” I met The Temptations (baby me). Cut to God only knows talking to his potential stepmom who’s “I Like It Rough.” Where am I going with this “The Long Walk?” Braxton’s So Forward, Virgil.

Thursday, May 29, 2025

Meditation 332 ~Braxton’s So Forward, Virgil~

1579 Days Without B III, Day 1020 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? They were better when I was around, that’s for damn sure. Haven’t felt that forever.

Wanted? Sure, your little brother Virgil is getting into the habit of wanting to cuddle with me as soon as I finish a meal. Unlike you, he’s not looking for crumbs. What does he want?

The Hell if I know. But he’s not barking “NO – I WILL NOT DIE TODAY!” like from The Beach, especially with his vet appointment coming up on Friday. I am scared of that, B.

“When you are with me, I’m free. I’m careless, I believe.” I believe in God? If he, she, or it would have saved you, I would have been the fastest convert in history. But no.

Honestly, Braxton, I continue to be life’s bitch. You know what they say: “The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.”

Ew! I know Braxton, I know. “Ain’t even much a matter what happens tomorrow, ’cause we men, ain’t we?” Glory be what is with all the movie quotes today? “Prepare to be fucked by the long dick of the law.” What, am I Superbad? I’m not lying on the couch.

Only by some miracle did I make it to the Dining Room table, and I started thinking about “The Talk.” You know the conversations I’d have with you about treating your Favorite Girl with respect when she came over to watch movies. Awkwardly good memories.

As I was telling Inspector Echo today, Wednesday, May 28, 2025. After the energy shot detox. My mind’s clearer. I haven’t sent Virgil away because, well, I have my reasons.

You and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. Notice how I’m not telling myself to stop calling her that. That’s what’s scaring me, B. I’m sure you’d like her if she let you “jump her bones,” like you did your Favorite Girl. Very forward of her and you, but after that…

There’s a reason she’s your Favorite. But M Anime has potential… pics sans her clothing.

There’s a “Possibility,” something can happen with her. Talk about forward. Can I? Will she? We talk about sex, significant others, sins, and then I’m sending Virgil to your room.

But “Love Is a Long Road” and like the Stephen King novel I’m on “The Long Walk.” I don’t think I can win. Never stopped you. Braxton’s So Forward, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 331 ~That’ll B Rehab, Virgil~

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Now, why did I spend around $20.00 on 5-hour ENERGY when I’ve detoxed. It took a week. My legs had me on The Long Walk. Working but not getting paid. Heading towards Banfield with another furry son. And a ball and chain, hmm. That’ll B Rehab, Virgil.

Wednesday, May 28, 2025

Meditation 331 ~That’ll B Rehab, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Because there is no finality, forgiveness, and no finish line when it comes to FEAR. If there was…

Well, I passed it and kept on walking. Braxton passed Sunday, January 31, 2021. And yes, I read another chapter of The Long Walk by Stephen King, also known as Richard Bachman. So there’s that.

This leads me to today. I noticed my legs had stopped hurting. Detox complete from 5-hour ENERGY, just in case you were wondering why it took me so long to get here today, Inspector. It took getting clean, B and V’s ‘potential’ stepmom M Anime, some sisters, and Cherry. And a Happy Birthday to Cherry, who turned 28 on the 28th. An author and a playwright with a great pair of melons I’ve never seen. Not about me, I’m afraid.

Dear Inspector Echo, I am consumed by FEAR every hour of every day. But as a great man once said…

“I’m too old for this shit.”
Roger Murtaugh, Lethal Weapon

Too old to not be happy, always horny, which again this morning’s shenanigans, and to be dreaming of seeing Heaven ‘by accident’ so I can see Braxton again. “Livin’ On A Prayer” is not working for me. As I walked Braxton’s little brother, Virgil, today. I had a funny thought. B’s walking with us since I do wear an urn pendant filled with his ashes.

Anyway, then I started thinking about a time when I wasn’t afraid. That’s easy enough. Inspector, it was when I would wake up from a nap and see my son, my protector, sitting at the corner of the bed, staring at the door. And I realize that nothingness before him.

Braxton was staring directly at FEAR, keeping it at bay.

And then I understood, in part, why Virgil’s panicked little run annoys me so much. Inspector, he’s running from FEAR. And he brought a few of his, too, which we’ll see on Friday at his vet appointment. Besides draining my bank account, I don’t know how to rid him of his FEAR because mine is right beside him. It’s like that scene from I Am Legend when Dr. Neville (Will Smith) was injured, and his dog Samantha held the line.

Sam protected him from the infected man and his dogs. Virgil and I… we’re screwed. And speaking of screwing… M Anime. She said Maroon 5’s “Sunday Morning” reminded her of me. Is this love “Hanging By A Moment” For my heart, That’ll B Rehab, Virgil.

1578 Days Without B III, Day 1019 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 330 ~There’ll B Bodies, Virgil~

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I got so freaking sad. Walmart tends to do that before MAGA’s tariffs. As always, FDT! And I won’t get paid this week. Virgil has a vet visit, and I have a girl looking to be with me. I’m trying to ‘save’ myself… There’ll B Bodies, Virgil

Tuesday, May 27, 2025

Meditation 330 ~There’ll B Bodies, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I’m not Jigsaw. Did I mean that to be funny? Like Stephen King, Eli Roth…

Oh yes, there will be blood. Only in movies and books. And why am I in such a creepy mood today? Monday, May 26, 2025. The past few weeks haven’t been so kind. I know.

But I could be crying over Braxton as I did this morning. There was the sweat from my “Anxiety” setting up Virgil’s next vet appointment. I must be as ‘annoying’ as Doechii’s song worrying about my first and second born. And can I mention I see myself sitting on that hard bench in Banfield back on Sunday, January 31, 2021, hearing my son was dying?

He wasn’t the first life I saw end, but the first I ended with my own hand. The stroke of a pen, whatever. A body.

And he was lucky. Braxton only had to die once… Twice, if I ever truly let him go. I don’t know if I ever can. But that’s the man you married. One who has died so many times up to this point in our lives. Our lives? But the day my B left is the one I dare to remember.

“On the day I was born.” What, was I “Bad to the Bone?” The day my father beat my ass for lying about my homework. I wrote down the problems but without any answers. Hell! I still feel a certain kind of way about drinking a bottle of IBC Root Beer. He smacked the bottle out of my hand before… Anyway, how many other lives.

“There I lay, wearing dead people as armor against death.”
― Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle

Again I’m being pretty effing creepy. But I slay, vanquish, delete, and unalive myself so many times in so many different ways. And no, not because of Braxton. Or that I feel I’m failing Virgil. What about taking care of you and our children? Baby Doll, Love? A Man Provides.

And ‘God forbid’ I use the dreaded K-word. Unless we’re talking about the film Pontypool, then “K*ll is kiss!” And I can’t start singing Teen Idle Feeling super, super (super!)… well, you know the rest. I surround myself with the living to keep back death.

I lie in bed with you. I pay Virgil’s bill. I tuck in our children. I read and write. Burying bodies in fiction without graves. But There’ll B Bodies, Virgil

“Be the body, not the shadow; hold space.”
From ― Amina, The Book of Clarence

1577 Days Without B III, Day 1018 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 329 ~The Beginning Will B~

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I met Braxton in (Grandpa’s) Hands. I got Virgil from behind bars. 2V’s, not mine. B’s Favorite Girl, Cherry, and M Anime? I began with them after writing this or that. But when will I start to “know thyself?” I don’t know, but “The Beginning Will B”

Monday, May 26, 2025

Meditation 329 ~The Beginning Will B~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Like father, like son. Do you know how long it took me to come up with that? Saying hello?

I understand why you don’t do it very often. You’re here. People are here. And I am here or there… I’m with you. Humans and language. That’s what made us a good team, a family. And it’s what you were thinking about as you were walking with my little brother.

That and pirate hats. I know I need to stay out of your head. My place is in your heart.

“Oh no, the world is a scary place,” Disturbed even inside your mind, Daddy. Honestly.

Why do you think I sat on your head most mornings? My furry butt was the least of your problems. The day didn’t start for you until you returned from the ‘bad place” you’d go daily and after a nap.

And that’s what I want you to feel, Daddy. That one moment in time when everything began. The moment when everything made sense when you weren’t sad or even scared.

Why? Because I am your son. And while a man provides for his family. It’s how you raised me to be, Dad. And for us to look at each other or how you looked at me when I sat on guard duty for anything that might hurt you. And “It’s Been Awhile” since you haven’t felt like anything more than a Staind. A mess without me, Daddy. No, you’re not.

Dad, do you remember every mess that Virgil has made. He’s messier than me. Ha-Ha! But you remember more the day you met him. PetSmart.

You don’t remember the day you met me. The precise date, I mean. But you remember the day I ‘left’. Sunday, January 31, 2021. The day Virgil arrived was Saturday, August 13, 2022. Daddy, you remember meeting my Favorite Girl face-to-face. It was on E-Day.

Begin to live, to lessen the pain, dare I say, to love. Dad, even now, it’s “later V, later Virgil,” With me, it was “love you, B, love you, Braxton.” How do you begin again? Why would you begin again?” To forgive, to heal, to love. To remember without tears. Daddy, I won’t ask that. But seeing me protecting you. My Favorite girl sitting with you. Cherry’s teasing. Liking me and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. The Beginning Will B

If you had me for 15 years and it took three days to lose me, why would you not be willing to love again? ― Only Gone From Your Sight BY Kate McGahan

“Do the gods light this fire in our hearts or does each man’s mad desire become his god?”
― Virgil, The Aeneid

1576 Days Without B III, Day 1017 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 328 ~Braxton Got High, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I want to blame little bottles of energy, a case of blue balls, or my bills, so I haven’t been eating the best. But they did waive the $189.00 charge at the dealership. The CEL was a “mistake.” Now, V’s vet bill. Because when Braxton Got High, Virgil

Sunday, May 25, 2025

Meditation 328 ~Braxton Got High, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Nice to see you again. By that, I mean you’re standing; your eyes aren’t blurry. You’re awake.

But will you ever be zero dollars, getting brisket on your piggie potato and a girl begging you to Eff high? Today, you’re trying to get over an addiction, which is my fault. I’m sorry.

5-hour ENERGY is a hell of a drug. Headaches, exhaustion you wouldn’t believe, and your legs. As ZZ Top puts it, “She got legs. She knows how to use them.” But we’ll talk about your boys’ stepmom, the Wild Fire Sisters, Dimitrescu Daughters, Marimo Sakagami, Maxine… SHUT-UP! Whoever you want to fantasize about comes later.

Yesterday… “Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away.” I’m at the dealership and get hit with a $189 look-at-it fee. Final verdict for the car… Zero dollars. Saved! But not from Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Pastor’s Purity Test: Forbidden First Time Sex by Emme Cox
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 010 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Look at that; I even got number four. But between all the worrying, how I wasted the week. There’s the exception of texting with the woman who could become your sons’ stepmom. She would be a reason to take your pants off. But you’re suffering from withdrawal, I know. You can’t be considering drinking those energy shots I bought. Eff!

But again, I saved you $189.00. A pretty girl waived the fee. Only now are you heading to the next battle? You must keep Virgil’s paws on the ground to stop him from joining Braxton.

The Rainbow Bridge is a beautiful place… But do you remember the price of getting Braxton there? Ain’t talking about money. Keeping V alive isn’t on these Six Impossible Things.

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Saying Goodbye – Navigating the Loss of a Beloved Pet
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 010, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Because keeping Virgil breathing… You’re his effing Daddy. It’s your job. It’s what you do. But you need a Day Job for that. And while I saved you money, there won’t be a paycheck this week. Didn’t I tell you I wasted the week? And again, I am sorry. Honestly.

Thoughts and Prayers. What am I, an Effing MAGA Red Hat worshipping a Cheeto? FDT!

But you have a choice. Do you want to be high enough to reach Braxton? It’s a lot of pain.

You should be high enough to look M Anime in the eye and say. you’re “The Only One For Me.” Too much? High enough to place Virgil and Braxton as brothers and not as competition. Hey, Braxton Got High, Virgil.

1575 Days Without B III, Day 1016 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 327 ~Braxton Cashes In Virgil~

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I’ve had two car accidents. One with two different cars. Today’s car drama started with me going to see my Olds on Mother’s Day. What shall I see today? Books in a waiting room. A bill. A boy, a son, I failed. B was lucky… “Braxton Cashes In Virgil.”

Saturday, May 24, 2025

Meditation 327 ~Braxton Cashes In Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Awnaw, hell naw! What a way to wake up, huh? Not with hope, happiness, mental health…

There was a time when Braxton was all there was. I’d collapse into bed, he would make sure I was tucked in, and then he’d go and “stand a post.” A Few Good Men, Lunalesca.

Today, I remember that scared kid I was. God, so long ago. The back of the car smashed into a tree on a dark morning. Terrified I was going to wake up my Old Man. But somehow, the car started again, and I drove to the Day Job. Afterward, with barely $600, I went to Express Oil Change and sat in the waiting room, fear gripping tight, thinking again I’d have to call my Old Man because I wouldn’t have enough to pay. Then what?

As Sia sings I’m “Alive,”

But my son is not. Braxton died so many years afterward. But to be “Two of the Lucky Ones.” I should have followed him. As I’ve said before, Lady Lunalesca. Whenever I’m afraid, I think of the worst day of my entire existence, and that was watching my son die.

Next would be the day I was born. So, I guess the day I wrecked the car and sat in an auto shop would be the third worst day ever. And that is why we’re talking at 5:20 AM, Luna.

I should be asleep, Luna, slithering on my belly or saying to myself, I’ll do better tomorrow. But for me and Apollo Creed, “There is no tomorrow!” Explains Friday evening.

I bought even more books.

Buying books like they’re going out of style. Which, according to MAGA, they are. And I know you’re not Lady Sophia. Still, I purchased everything from Richard Bachman/Stephen King’s “The Long Walk” to Richard Dresser’s “It Happened Here.” Effing MAGA. Another harem book from Logan Jacobs’ “Backyard Dungeon 17: A Reverse Portal Fantasy.” And finally, there is “The Aeneid” by Virgil. Did I forget my other son, named after the Roman poet? The man who led Dante through Hell. The dog waiting for his walk.

Should I survive today at the dealership and have any money left, there’s Virgil’s health. And what about his and Braxton’s stepmom? Is M Anime that for my boys. Possibility.

But I won’t bet on myself. Braxton Cashes In Virgil

1574 Days Without B III, Day 1015 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 326 ~Contracting Braxton and Virgil~

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When it’s not about punching people or pretty girls and my “Enormous P, then there’s paperwork. I have to sign to get the car fixed and to see to V’s health, and I’ll possibly need a credit card. I’m not happy, but I’m Contracting Braxton and Virgil.

Friday, May 23, 2025

Meditation 326 ~Contracting Braxton and Virgil~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… But first, I need to get my words right. Don’t I mean Contact, Not Contract? SIGH.

The Devil is in the details. Braxton’s Euthanasia papers and Virgil’s Adoption papers. I pose the question. What are two sets of documents I didn’t read thoroughly? Dear Lady Sophia.

It’s the fine print. I didn’t know I’d hate myself always and forever… Braxton’s demise. And I didn’t think I’d be looking at Virgil and start singing “I Always Find A Way” from Even Stevens. A way to care for Virgil. We went out for a walk, and he had breakfast. Even with my splitting headache. Do you see what time it is, Sophia? Seriously?

Today, I didn’t start with reading “Saying Goodbye – Navigating the Loss of a Beloved Pet: A Guide to Grieving and Healing From Pet Loss” by K.M. Ogden. Another one?

By that, I mean mourning B III. But that’s not why I have the headache now, my dear Lady Sophia. There are worse things to read and worse dreams/nightmares to rest to. Did I say rest? Yesterday, I was talking about B Resting in Peace. Only I don’t let him. And for the past three months, I’ve been complaining about “Dollar dollar bill, y’all.” C.R.E.A.M.

I’m surprised I haven’t been doing that for Braxton and Virgil’s stepmom. Should I stop calling M Anime that? When a woman says, she’s looking into jobs where you’re located…

As serious as the heart attack that didn’t take Braxton. It was his kidneys. As serious as the painkillers I took. As serious as the energy shot I missed, Sophia.

5-hour ENERGY does its job, but if you miss a couple of days, your head hurts like a Mother Effer. I swear I’ve been through this before, and still, I could only get off my ass long enough to get a personal pan pizza and a bucket of chicken. OH, I eat so well. Yeah…

Something I’m going to do to M Anime should I ever get the chance. And while I’m talking about adult situations, how are my finances? They’ll be worse tomorrow, Sophia.

I’m getting that Check Engine Light looked at. After that, Virgil’s health. And next comes having any food. To think I wanted to pay for sex, but I found love. B and V make me rich? Contracting Braxton and Virgil

1573 Days Without B III, Day 1014 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 325 ~Braxton Needs Space, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

When I was a kid… (scoffs). I’m a boy at 40. Anyway, I wanted to be an astronaut. And I want a lightsaber. But who does a 40-year-old run to? B, at 15, was older. Dog Years. Even in death, I can’t give him what he needs. “Braxton Needs Space, Virgil”

Thursday, May 22, 2025

Meditation 325 ~Braxton Needs Space, Virgil~

1572 Days Without B III, Day 1013 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? As for myself. No energy shot. No cash. Well, not enough cash. What about sleep?

The only space I care about is the two between my eyelids. I need you and Virgil’s stepmom in the worst ways. First, I need to stop calling M Anime that. Second, Braxton, you had a favorite girl. Her Yabbos, anyway. Like father, like son. That is one thing you got from me. An affinity for Yabbos. I’m sure there are some “Somewhere Out There.”

All the gods, they cannot sever us. If I were dead and you were still fighting for life, I’d come back from the darkness. Back from the pit of hell to fight at your side.
Valeria, Conan the Barbarian (1982)

The only thing I’m sure you need from me right now is space. Is that why M Anime has been “Naughty…Naughty….Naughty in a Vanessa Marcil freaky with Nicolas Cage sorta way. You do remember the movie “The Rock” (1996). I should ask M Anime to put her hair in pigtails. And yes, Braxton, I know “Fucking-A” man! Language and eww!

I need to stop talking, yep. Or at least father to son. But that brings me back to my point.

Space. The final frontier. You’re somewhere on the Rainbow Bridge, while I’m afraid of hitting the road today. I’m scared of today, period. But what do I expect you or your little brother Virgil to do? “Make Room! Make Room!” What, so I can fit in more pop culture references? That’s what The Critic has been saying recently. As I live and breathe Braxton, it’s always the next thing on TV or in a book. Even the whole space idea is The Last of Us.

Only this is not The Last of Us, B. I don’t know what this is. But it is never Acceptance.

It’s me being scared all the time. It’s being a sinner. I don’t think M Anime and I trading pictures sans our clothing is sinful. It’s being slim. I’ve been seeing a lot of my body lately, and since I won’t be getting paid next week… What about this week. I’m going out B III.

I have to get the Check Engine Light looked at. After that comes your brother. He needs to get his yearly shots. Food has not been on the agenda. Not all that much for me.

When you stopped eating, you got sent to Heaven twice, but only once was permanent. I should let you remain there. I should give you space. From this world, the spotlight. Braxton Needs Space, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad